Sadness is Part of the Equation: A Young Widow Reflects on Her Loss

In mid-June, I posted an interview with “Tell My Sons” author, Lt. Col. Mark Weber, about his battle with terminal cancer. Forty years old with a wife and three sons, he passed away the day before my article went live, which was also a few days before Father’s Day.

Mark had set up a Facebook page called Operation True Grit, so people could follow his joys and struggles. The other day, his wife Kristin linked to a CaringBridge entry about how she and the boys were dealing with their loss. Her reflections are worthwhile for anyone enduring the death of a loved one. They also serve as a reminder to appreciate your loved ones while they’re here – and to keep the Weber family in your prayers. Here’s an excerpt:

It has been 5 weeks since Mark left us. I find the days getting harder as the weeks pass. I am more aware of the little things that I miss the most. He was such a booming personality in our everyday lives. There are times when I come home and expect to see him sitting there on the couch. But reality sets in. I envy those that grieve him, but get to go home where nothing is different for them. I am sure that does not make sense to some of you, but I know it does to those who have experienced it. And by no way does that belittle their grief, it is just different.

The boys and I are managing through it. Learning to lean on each other as we have before. Seeking Mark’s guidance through memories, and making new memories in his absence. We are finding things that bring us comfort, and stay away from things that bring us more angst and pain. I am grateful for the time we had to share things about what death brings. I am grateful he was not afraid to talk about his death and not deny it happening. I was more afraid of it than he was. But it helps clarify a life without him…

…as Mark would say, you need to realize sadness is part of the equation. You can’t get rid of that. And you don’t call what is sad, happy. You look for the happiness that is right next to it. So what is my happiness to the sadness? He is no longer suffering in pain. Because he was. My world is a better place because Mark left it that way. And at the end of the day, that is all that matters.