Love Manufactured

You met at the gym. He was pumping iron, you were on your 53 rd crunch, counting furiously, panting. Your eyes met and he smiled, your heart skipped a beat. You fell in love with beefcake. Ok, you first fell in love with his muscles, the soul followed later. By that time it was too late. You’ve been together for over 5 years now. His favourite position is umm… in front of the television. You always fight over the remote, why he can’t pitch in household chores, why he’s such a slob and how dare he forget your mum’s birthday. You can’t remember the last time he brought you flowers or even gave you a big warm hug. His idea of celebration is a raucous night out with boys, while you would rather have a quiet dinner with Bach playing in the background. Damn he can’t even spell Bach right. You are as different as chalk and cheese. Too bad there’s no such thing as an exchange policy.

But wait, there’s good news. Researchers have just answered your prayers and come up with a magical oxytocin spray. This nasal spray popularly known as the cuddle spray is capable of turning the most macho hunks into mushy, gooey creatures. What exactly is oxytocin in the first place? It is a mammalian hormone which evokes feeling of contentment and reduces anxiety – capable of transforming your low-on-EQ man into an empathetic soul, happy to be in touch with his feminine side. From pain in the ass to the highly coveted metrosexual man in 5 seconds flat. No more fighting for the remote, he will now be only too happy to watch “Grey’s anatomy” with you. The other day you spent nearly 3 hours at the Mango store, trying on their new summer collection – how can you decide, without trying all of them? He smiled through the ordeal and even made faces when he didn’t like the outfit. He looked so cute. And when you told that to him later over a cup of coffee, he hugged you so tight, you almost choked on your coffee.

Saturday evening was blissful; even though he burnt the dinner (at least he tried). You snuggled together on the couch and watched Love Story again for the 25th time. He sobbed and sniffled and wet your shirt’s sleeve. The only dampener was that eeky lizard that crept up your leg. You screamed, he screamed louder and jumped so hard that he toppled the beautiful vase you had picked up on your last trip to Bath. It broke, it’s ok, you managed to murmur. Then the lights went off, the fuse had blown. Don’t worry babykins, I’ll fix it in a jiffy he said, as he got off the couch. He tried and sweated and tried some more, but he just couldn’t. You had to make frantic calls to the electrician to get it fixed. Strange, earlier it took him just 5 minutes to fix it. What’s wrong with him!

It’s your Dad’s birthday and you want to pick up a giant sized card for him. You both walk hand in hand into the store – you get a little busy deciding which card to pick and then you spot those divine danglers. Your reverie is broken by sounds of loud sobbing. You turn around to find beefcake crying his heart out in front of a poster of a smiling cherubic baby. Isn’t she divine? – he manages to babble.

Damn…. It’s time to dump that spray.