From Pam Rohr, author of Blended but not Broken – Hope and Encouragement for Blended Families:
How can we help our kids to accept and like themselves? Come to think of it, how can we really accept and like our self? As adults, we think we should be all put together and have it all together. But I have learned through my coaching business, that many of us still don’t know for sure, quite who we are. And our feelings about our self can change quite rapidly. We feel great when we have just landed that long awaited position or got the date with that special someone. But when we fail, or have it out with a loved one or don’t get the date, we can feel pretty bad about ourselves.
What we do, our dreams and our interests are all certainly a part of who we are. They help to make up the whole of us. How we spend our time helps to define us and whom we hang out with is important. What we feed our minds either positive or negative certainly determines a lot about our attitudes and mindsets. As the Bible so wisely says, “As a man thinketh, so is he”. All of these things help to define us. In a culture where you are supposed to look and be a certain way (girls are supposed to be thin and beautiful and not just the older ones anymore. We have kids as young as 10 and 11 with eating disorders so they can look how they are “supposed” to look). And guys are supposed to be tall and good at least one sport. We judge each other by how busy we are or are not and by how many people think we are important.
All of these things help make us who we are: the good and the bad. And there are both in all of us. But what would you say is the truest thing about you? What is always the truth about you even when you have failed? What is always true about you even when you find out you have cancer or worse yet, that your child has cancer? And what is still true about you when the crowd rejects you?
For me and for any believer in Jesus Christ, the very truest thing about us, the thing from which we define our self has got to be “what does God say about me”? Does He love me even in spite of me? Does He think I’m still worth it even when I’m making messes all over the place? Does He find me acceptable?
I want to share with you a picture the Lord gave me about 20 years ago now. It absolutely changed how I felt about myself.
I was dressed in the most beautiful wedding gown I’ve ever seen. Now that’s quite a statement since I have two daughters who were both absolutely beautiful on their wedding days. But in this picture, I looked radiant in the wedding dress and I felt and looked beautiful. All of a sudden, the door burst open and Jesus came into the room. He grasped both of my hands and gazed into my eyes. He beheld me; I was really known and seen. And He thought I was beautiful! He was so excited over me, His Bride, that He hurriedly escorted me into the throne room of the Father. He announced my presence by saying, “Father, look and behold my beautiful bride”. No one has ever been so excited over me as Jesus was. It was like I was the most exquisite person He’d ever made. I knew I was deeply loved for who I am and not for anything I had ever done or could do. And let me tell you, that’s how He feels about all of us.
The picture left as fast as it came but the change in me was significant. If my Savior and Lord love me that much, I must be worth something. I must be the object of His love and affection even in the midst of my brokenness and the messes that I make. He knew who I’d be before He died on that cross for me and He still felt I was worth it. And He thinks you were worth it.
So the truest thing about us, when we have accepted Christ, is that we are the Beloved’s and He is ours! When others reject me, He still loves me. When I fail, I’m still accepted. He is mine and I am His. He’s got my back. He’s proven it time and again. He’s close to me and all I have to do is whisper His sweet name, “Jesus”. Now if our Creator thinks we are valuable, who are we to say we’re not? Even when we blow it? And quite frankly, who hasn’t blown it? And when we sin? Does He reject us?
No! What we do then is turn from it, ask for forgiveness. He doesn’t hold grudges and He doesn’t make us pay. He paid the ultimate price to have a relationship with you so He is always pursuing you whether you know it or not. As the Bible says, “Greater love has no one than this, that he lay down his life for his friends” (John 15:13). That is what our Savior did so let us soak up the worth He finds in us and believe it. Lets believe it and live our lives from that truth.
Revelation 19:7 says concerning the Bride of Christ:
“Let us rejoice and be glad and give him glory! For the wedding of the Lamb has come, and his bride has made herself ready”.
We are called the Bride of Christ, and I find the wording remarkable. Brides are chosen, they are loved and they are beautiful. As you learn who you are in Christ, teach your children who they are. Don’t let the world define them but help them to get their identity from the One who created them.
This is a passion of mine. If you are struggling with your identity, lets work through it until you know who you are in Christ.
Contact me at nouveaulifecoaching.com where you can also purchase my book.
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