If I ever decide to read a book instead of watch TV, and my family sees me reading… they fall all over themselves, trying to put a stop to my reading. I have no idea why. They see a man reading and then, at that moment, they have to throw every single distraction humanly possible at me. Now, if a child is reading a book, it’s treated like a holy occasion. Everyone walks on tiptoe, they lower their voices. Someone may light a candle in reverence and form a choir. Someone will definitely create a chart in calligraphy and post it on the refrigerator, charting the progress of the young lad’s reading. It’s a precious moment.
But if a man is reading, it must stop immediately.
Children ask you questions that they already know the answers to, wives come up with odd-job chores and busywork to do, somebody attempts to flush a football down the toilet… they all do pretty much anything they can think of to put a stop to a man’s reading habits.
It’s not like this man went to thirteen years of school, plus college learning to read… so that later in life he could read! That’d be just sick.
But, they recently discovered a previously unpublished work by Dr. Seuss, that my friends and I are extremely eager to buy when it hits the shelves. Unfortunately, since we are all adults, there is no way we will be allowed to read it.
All this explains the erosion of the male IQ as we grow older. Since we are robbed of every opportunity for intellectual stimulation once we hit adulthood, we end up babbling idiots by the time we turn 70.
Next, my friend Nick Arnette joins the show, author of the amazingly funny The Book of Dude. Now, Nick is feeling great these days – he lost a bunch of weight and is healthier than he’s been in a long time. But, he often runs into people who knew him when he was more rotund, and they keep telling him that he looks emaciated and needs to put weight on!
What other health issues could you overcome and your friends would want you to revert back to the unhealthy life you lived before? Has anyone who just recovered from pneumonia ever been offered a cigarette?
But that’s not why Nick called. He called to talk about baseball. He hates baseball. For Nick, it’s the most boring game. Ever. As he puts it, “If you play baseball… great for you! It’s an amazing thing. You get to relax a ton, since you don’t do a darn thing while ‘playing’ baseball!” It is so boring.
Think about what they consider a “perfect game”. In a perfect game, nobody but the pitcher and catcher does a single thing for hours upon hours. That’s considered perfection! Two guys out of nine playing catch while the other nine guys on the other team don’t accomplish a single thing either. In fact, in a perfect game, a guy as athletically inept as me could play outfield and make millions of dollars just standing there.
It’s a problem that needs to be solved. And baseball isn’t alone. There are plenty of other boring sports that need to be dealt with as well. So, Nick has the idea of combining all these sports together and putting them all on the same field all at once. Imagine soccer – where the guys are always moving and the ball is being kicked all over the field, but nobody ever scores – played on a baseball field while a ballgame is taking place; all while ten to fifteen UFC fighters are just stalking around looking for someone to punch out. A good midfielder choke-out at second base would be exciting to see!
It would be a non-stop highlight reel!
Of course, the odds that any participant might survive such an event are low. So, maybe we certify the baseball players in CPR and First Aid, since they’ll just be standing around doing nothing anyway.
I mean, think about your typical hockey game. It’s one, like soccer, where there’s a lot of movement and great athletes, but very little scoring. However, people love it when fights break out on the ice! Often times, the crowd actually boos when a fight is broken up.
People are yearning for excitement when they buy tickets to a sporting event, and I think the combo-sport solution is right up their ally!
Nick also has a video blog that is worth mentioning at nickarnette.com. In his video series, “Cool People I Know or Meet”, Nick interviews all kinds of people: UFC fighters, pro tennis players, a brain surgeon, Olympians, rock stars, sign spinners… the list goes on and on. I can’t wait until I get to be a guest on his show and bask in his “Dudeness”!
Finally, Peder Eide joins the show from Lifest 2015! He’s the hood ornament of Lifest, emceeing and entertaining the masses in between the other acts. He’s a comedian, a parody singer, a musician, a spiritual leader and one of my best friends.
As a Master of Ceremonies, he’s learned several valuable lessons; such as: don’t walk up to a group like Skillet and tell them you think their arms are tiny.
The key is to always act like you know what you’re doing. And if you don’t know what you’re doing, then make things up as you go along! And if things don’t go right, simply blame the next speaker or act that you are introducing.
Apparently adversarial relationships with the people you share a stage with is key. It’s important to keep the performers on their toes. Ask them personal questions, or intimate questions about their hygiene. Moles and rashes are always good conversation starters when you are trying to learn information to share with their audiences as you introduce them.
It keeps it real.
Peder and I met nearly 25 years ago at the same summer camp where my son is now a counselor. It’s been such a pleasure to not only count such a great man as Peder as my friend, but also to see his success, as he has written on over 16 albums!
Peder says the secret to his success is the fact that he married out of his league (out of his species, as some have told him). Having children who constantly remind him that he isn’t perfect is a contributing factor, as well.
And then there was his and my meeting so long ago…
Peder actually wanted to get into comedy when we met, and I told him to stick to music. It’s been all bright lights, champagne and caviar ever since!
But, what Peder is really enjoying these days is his role as worship leader and worship team trainer! He goes all over the country teaching worship leaders how to better communicate with and lead their congregations in not just singing songs… but worshipping God.