Truth vs. the World: “Fish Wars”
Now it’s time for everybody’s favorite segment: Truth vs. the World! (True stores about the world we live in, and why that’s a big, fat problem… but, don’t worry, I’ll fix it!)
There’s a professor from the University of Georgia who did a study of people with Darwin fish on their cars. No… really… he studies symbols used in communication.
His thesis was on “flipping the bird”, I imagine. You know how those Georgia professors are.
Anyway, he did this study by leaving a survey on the car of anyone who had a Darwin fish symbol stuck to it.
His conclusion: some Darwin fish owners are militant; others playful.
Here’s what I want to know: Who funded this study, and do they have any money left? Because I could use it! I need a theme song!
If nothing else, they can identify the make of automobiles most popular with angry evangelical motorists. Apparently, “Love your neighbor” wasn’t in the driver’s manual.
Anyways, then Darwinists made a fish symbol, added little feet to it, and wrote “Darwin” on the inside. Apparently even atheists have their kitsch.
Then, we made a fish symbol that was eating their fish – which was very Christian of us! You know, devour your enemies. (Of course, I’m paraphrasing… that was in the New American Standard.)
If you’re unfamiliar with the Christian fish symbol, ancient lore tells us that early Christians drew the fish symbol in the sand to identify one another… because, well, the driver’s license hadn’t been invented yet.
(Pastor: I’ll take two bottles of wine for communion, please.
Sacramental Store Owner: I’m gonna need your see your fish symbol)
Okay, I get the fish, but what are all the little lines?
Nearly 2,000 years later, Christians place fake chrome fish symbols above the bumpers of their vehicles, hoping to fool potential buyers who are circling their used car lots.
Man, it’s in really bad shape, it’s got a lot of dents, the tires are bald… BUT WAIT!… Look here… it was manufactured by Christ… I’ll take it!
Does that make it a Christ-ler?
Everything has human fingerprints of not only finitude, but of human brokenness. The reality is, our knowledge is bent. (And that explains a lot about my college entrance exams.)
One owner of the Darwin fish was quoted as saying, “Humans are no better than chickens, redwoods, fireflies, earthworms, goldfish, algae, or infectious Salmonella. Just because we walk upright and have opposable thumbs… we are no better than chickens and infectious Salmonella. Yet, no one is taking infectious Salmonella to the prom.
I guess to be inclusive we’re going to have to start!
Just you wait: “Sally and infectious Salmonella sitting in a tree, K-I-S-S-I-N-G!” (Funny, I thought infectious Salmonella was a girl! I’m really confused.
I’m sure our definition of marriage will change even more radically!
To put the “Fish Wars” in perspective, we need to recall an important bit of culture war history that many have forgotten: A bumper sticker war that predates the fish wars.
In the early 70’s, Christian automobiles sported the bumper sticker that read, “In case of Rapture, this car will be unmanned”. Soon, an entrepreneurial non-believer mass-produced the corresponding bumper sticker: “If the rapture occurs, can I have your car?”
How soon we forget.
And that is Truth vs. the World!