I always wondered what people meant when they said they are spiritual but not religious. Sixteen years as a fundamentalist missionary then another ten years questioning my faith and now here I am… a wandering christian. I went from a strict diet (thinking I was in the light and holding an absolute truth yet suppressing my intuition) to an exuberant buffet of various foods (a place where I only have my intuition to follow as to when to stop and when to return for more).
I went from a sinful woman to a saved woman. Then by the standards of some, I went back to the dark and in such a place is where I have found a gentle light that has been there all along guiding me as I venture to taste each new plate.
I literally started the new year in bed with my husband, we were taking our first few bites at meditating. The concept of stopping life to breathe tastes too good to be true, it resonates with my soul. Then the idea of visualizing a light shining bright on you, guiding you, protecting you. It’s so open and free, so natural, beautiful, hopeful, so much closer to an image of the Holy Spirit.
Prayer is different. There may be agenda behind the practice. Asking for something, getting rid of guilt, righteousness and so on. I still believe there is a place for prayer. This new discovery is a simple one. Stillness for the sake of being alive, grateful or in whatever state you are in, authentic, you come as you are, no right or wrong way to do it.
Savoring the concept that if being spiritual instead of religious can be as simple as closing the eyes, breathing, surrendering, letting go and letting wisdom pour in. Something blasphemous came to me, what if I let go of all the stories, the written narratives that have created confusion and such division. What if its as simple and pure as stopping to hear the Spirit of God guide you. No interpreters, no translations, no different versions of written books, no hierarchies, no mentors, no dogmas and doctrines. Could it be so easy to digest?