Taking my title one step further we read James Finley’s words:
“As this soaks into me, what are the implications of this in the way I act in the world, in relationships with other people?”
Such is life.
We travel across the ocean to see the eiffel tower’s dazzling lights
![Family Vacation](https://wp-media.patheos.com/blogs/sites/106/2015/09/DSC_0274-300x200.jpg)
This very same afternoon as we strolled the belgian blocked, pedestrian-only streets, apple tarte tatin in hand we came upon a walking skeleton of a man. He didn’t speak any English and put out his hand asking me for some help. The tears return as I recall his look of desperation and well of deep loneliness. I reached in my bag and pulled out a small coin, nothing much more than a dime and said sorry this is all I have (a lie).
In the states, I give to the homeless regularly in Philadelphia but somehow being on vacation and approached on foot by a man who could ruin our day if he kept following us filled my head with a bit of fear. We had heard plenty of stories to be wary of the gypsies and pickpockets.
My heart said differently.
I walked back toward him and offered him the remaining half of my tarte and had a moment of being happy with myself. As my family went into the shop to purchase large crepes filled with sweets I watched him descend the hill behind the gorgeous Notre Dame church in which I had just spent about an hour praying
I was filled with shame. I began to cry and went to buy him a crepe. I wished I was brave enough to invite him to eat with us. And then he was gone, out of sight. I had missed my opportunity to be like Jesus.
In Matthew 25:35 we read— For I was hungry and you gave me food, I was thirsty and you gave me drink, I was a stranger and you welcomed me.
I sit on the grass in front of my home, babe in arms, belly full, weeping + pleading with God to forgive me for not recognizing Jesus in this stranger; For not following my heart.
I acknowledge the ache in the center of my chest where it hurts for betraying her sweet, gentle nature and desire to connect and offer simple sustenance.
This is what self-betrayal looks like. This is what self-betrayal feels like.