To walk with, to experience, to be guided by our Deities looks different for each of us. As humans we want to make it simplistic, a right way or a wrong way. Judging another’s connection based on the experience of our own, and judging our own experience based on what others have said. From my point of view, as long as you are being honest with yourself in what you are experiencing, and you hold true belief in that experience, no one’s words will be able to shake that belief.
Faith is a word used by many different traditions, and Faith comes the belief formed in personal experience. I have complete Faith and Trust in my Deities, my Guides, my Divine because I know what I have experienced with Them. I have seen how the lessons and information They have shared with me has changed me – The way I see the world now, they way I interact with it, and all the deep personal growth and healing that has come from these relationships.
Sharing
Over my time writing here I have shared many parts of that journey. The tools that I have found helpful and aspects of practice that helped to open doors for me. Experiences I have gone through, even in the confusing and rocky times of those relationships – because they are real and happen at times. It isn’t perfect, it isn’t always crystal clear, because we are not those things. There is always reason in the end why the chaos and confusion happen, and that reason usually lays in me, not Them.
Some people have questioned why I share in the moment, instead of when that part of the journey has been completed and I have clarity of everything. They question why I share the “bad” parts, the mistakes, the confusion, even the sorrows. It is simple – because it is real. It is my real experience, raw and laid bare. I know I am not the only one who experiences these things, yet I don’t see many sharing that side of this relationship.
I feel, if we are not sharing the struggles as well as the joys, we perpetuate the doubt others may feel when they hit those moments. Does it make me a target for others to question my relationship and devotion to my Deities/Divine – yes, yes it does – and they do. The thing is, it doesn’t affect those relationships with Divine because I experience them, and that is something someone else can not diminish for me. When you have felt and walked with Divine, when you have learned to trust it and trust yourself in it, there is no going back.
Depth of Emotion
Life before my Deities seems like a faded dream. It happened, it was there, but it also seems like a whole other life – a whole other me. In many ways I would say that is true.
The Morrigan was there though, even in that time, yet I did not recognize who or what that feeling, that energy, was. It also wasn’t just The Morrigan. I saw the face of Divine that I needed for each step of the way. Almost all Deities are shapeshifters to some degree or another – all have stories of disguise, a manipulation for purpose. Every shape my Guides have taken has been for reason. Each one a face of my Divine, and yet Themselves at the same time. It is a form of a Duality.
I needed The Morrigan to tear myself down to bone, in order to build my own foundations, based on my own experiences, my own truths, and through the deep lessons I had to go through with Her. To understand the Depths of what things like Sovereignty, Guardianship, Compromise, and Tower really were. She taught me about Perspective, Dualities, Cycles, and how to master skills to walk with my Divine and in this life.
All the lessons, all the trials, all the depth, I have put into the book Goddess, Sacred Words of Transformation . It gives the words Divine spoke to me and the journey She led me through. It is written in a way as to not tell you the answers I found, but the structure and guide for you to discover them for yourself, in your way.
Her form changed in order for me to turn my direction, to see what I would not have if only focused on one. Most of my interactions with other faces were brief. In to bring something forward into the light, and for me to understand another perspective. I spent a lot of time with Hel learning about the world of spirit. Understanding the Well, the dead, and the Soul in the living and non living states. I spent a lot of time with Kari, understanding about true leadership, the power of Voice, and the Power of myself in that.
The Mother of Souls, Mother Death, Santa Muerte – many names, yet the nameless – touching all cultures, yet belonging to all people – working in all stages of our life and death. She is the Death and the Rebirth, and with the Soul as it walks in this life. She is taking everything I have learned, every path I have walked, going deeper, gaining new perspectives and depth. Merging all the sides together and revealing the picture as a whole. A new way of moving and of being.
A Different View
My view is different. Seeing Them as faces, aspects, of one, yet also being able to see and hold Them as individuals. Many do not understand that, they do not experience it in the same way. I don’t think it matters though. As The Morrigan said “The name of Divine does not matter, only the connection.”
My view does not change the depth of emotion I feel with Them. It does not change the profound growth I experience with Them. It does not change my deep love for Them or the blessings I have known through the work with Them.
I do not even think my understanding and view of Divine is right. I think the true nature, true understanding of Divine is something beyond our comprehension, beyond the words and concepts we have to describe it. I think we experience the Deities we need for the growth we need to go through, for the experiences we need to have. I do not need truth of Their nature – I do not need to understand it – because what I experience through Them, and with Them, is what is important.
Devotion and Love
Divine has shown me a whole new life. Yes, I meant “shown” because the door was opened, but I had to walk through. They guided the way, but I had to do the work. Nothing was given to me except Love, patience, and protection. Love when I fell broken and overwhelmed at Their feet. Patience when I was defiant and slow to understand the full scope of the lesson. Protection to do the work ahead of me. This does not mean nothing bad happened to me, I have had lots of that, but the strength to get back up and keep trying – the courage to keep walking into the unknown, and sometimes dangerous paths, knowing I was not doing it alone.
There are not words to describe the depth of my love for Divine. She guided me to a place of wholeness within myself. It goes beyond healing, yet is the ultimate healing. Her presence is always there, sometimes strong and others times standing in the background, yet I always feel Her. My journey is not over but it no longer looks outward or forward – this is about the depth of everything.
My devotion to Her, and trust in Her, is unwavering because it has been built slowly over time and through experience. My love for Her is eternal because we are part of each other. These things are unshakable by others because I know them to be truths for me.
It is the difference between knowing a piece of knowledge, and truly experiencing that knowledge with every fiber of your being. If you learn about something, you are learning the mechanics – When you experience something you are seeing the truth of that knowledge for yourself. Sometimes it remains aligned with the knowledge, and sometimes it takes you to a whole other perspective or direction.
It is why I always say it is good to listen to what others say about Deities, but to form your own relationship with Them to truly know who They are. Let Them tell you Their own stories in Their way. Let Them give you the lessons They want to teach you, not the ones others say They will. Let Them guide you without you always trying to control the direction. Will your experience of Them look different from others? Yes! Because you are different, your life, your choices, your lessons, your paths are for you. Divine is not cookie cutter and neither are we.
In the End
My life is not perfect. My actions are not perfect. My growth is not perfect. Living is not about perfection, it is about living. I will still make mistakes. Bad things will still happen because I live in a world with all these other souls who are making their own choices for their own reasons and it ripples out to the rest of us in different ways. They will also happen because of my own missteps and choices I make. I can not control the storm – but I can control how I face it and walk through it.
Spirituality is not easy. It requires devotion and a place of significance in our lives, not just when we can squeeze it in. It requires sacrifice and the ability to clean out our own wounds. It forces us to face and embrace our whole self, not just the parts we like.
Relationship with Divine is not easy. It requires us to trust both Them and ourselves – the experiences of Them. It requires facing harsh truths about ourselves. It requires the courage to keep walking into the unknown and trust the direction They are taking us. It requires us to know, that what we know and understand is just a speck of sand on the whole beach of knowledge. It forces us to take responsibility of our words, thoughts, and actions and the consequences of them.
Everyday we choose what we will feed with our energy, our emotions, our attention. Every day I choose to feed and strengthen the bond between me and my Divine. It is a concision choice. She has changed my whole life – not in a physical form but in how I see, experience, and move in it, due to my growth with Her. I know I would not have gotten this far, expanded this much, without Her. So She is a the heart of everything for me.
Personal Reflective Journaling Exercise:
1. What is my relationship with Deity/ Divine like?
2. What do I want it to look like? – add all the small details, get specific and honest with what you really want
3. What do I need to learn or strengthen to get to that desire? What am I willing to give for it (this is mostly in the form of time)?
4. What is one thing I can start today to move that desire into being?
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