In the US, from the beginning of November through December, seems to be a never ending feast. Not one long one, but a series of them at various times. Celebrating the harvest time, Turkey day, and all the various holidays/ family/friend gatherings that take place during these months. As I sat with my Ancestors last night on Winter Solstice, I started thinking deeper about the idea of “feasting” in our modern age.
Perfection is a Myth
I see people stressing about having the “right food” for each occasion. The idea of traditional foods for each holiday is at the forefront. Then there are the sides and desserts, especially ones that seem to only be served during certain holidays and left to the wayside the rest of the year. None of this is necessarily a bad thing – but the stress created around the need for perfection is.
I remember my mother being in this mode during the last two months of the year. She would spent weeks planning for it, decorating, gathering piece by piece all she would need. She toiled endlessly the day and night before each one, baking and tending to her viddles, in the hopes everything would be “perfect.” It was inevitable though that something would not go quite as planned, not devastating but it would hit her hard when it happened. Perfection is an illusion we create in the mind that only leads to disappointment.
Some of us were chatting after one of our Winter Solstice Rituals yesterday, and the stress of perfection in the coming week was weighing heavy on a couple of people. Even though we are Pagans and Witches, many of us still navigate families that are christian. So we balance and try to find overlaps in our beliefs, not for them, but to find our own comfort in those gatherings. One of those overlaps comes in the feasting.
Feasting Historically
Before the commercialization of these fall and winter holidays, the center used to be the gathering of friends and family, and feasting together. Even the feast though was not always something specific, many times it was working with what one had on hand. There would be a certain dish or dessert that had ingredients that were hard to acquire for one reason or another, which I think may have turned into the idea of only having it at that time of year.
A feast wasn’t just about the food, but who we were sharing it with. The food nourishing the body and the company nourishing the soul.
I feel in all the stress and strive for perfection, we have lost some of that. The feast has become more of a task to complete and check off a list, than an opportunity to gather, share, and be a part of each others lives. I hear people talk about dreading the company coming. The conversation topics that need to be avoided, steeling themselves up for the criticism that they are sure will spew their way. And Gods forbid if any part of the meal goes wrong, a dish gets burnt, or you are missing something from the table – for this will just be one more piece of ammunition against you. With all these crazy thoughts, it is no wonder some people dread it more than look forward to it.
Feasting in Our Differences
It is not always easy for some to break bread with people so different from themselves. Whether it is religion, politics, lifestyles, and so forth. We have more in common though than those differences. At the end of the day, we are all human, with basic human needs and desires.
Even though our western society has pushed us farther and farther into the idea of solitary, we as humans, are social creatures. We need interaction with each other. Conversation, support, inspiration, collaboration, comfort – for this is how we survive, advance, and thrive as a species.
Even though we may have different ideas of how to achieve it – we are all looking for is to create an amount of stability, security, and enough abundance in our lives in order to reach a point beyond just surviving.
There can be many differences that separate us, but there are also many places we can stand together in. It is a matter of which side we choose to be in. Other people may choose to stand in their hate and division, you can not change that but you also do have to participate in it either. There is an old saying “Never talk religion or politics at a gathering/feast/celebration.”
I grew up in a deeply Catholic home, yet I have not been Catholic since I was around 9. My mother was well aware of it, and even though she didn’t like it, she also did not actively discourage me either. After hearing so many other stories about family divisions over religion, I realize I did not give her enough credit for her approach with me on this. I still went to a Catholic school, I still attended the holiday and funeral masses with her out of respect, but I did not partake. I just sat quietly and respectfully because it is how I would want to be treated. I think that was enough for her, just being together.
That is the take away here – We do not have to hold the same beliefs in order to gather together and just be together, to feast together, and celebrate together. We can all celebrate in our own ways but in a shared space. As they prayed to their god, I contemplated the energy and nature. I did not disrupt theirs and they did not take mine. It is not always that easy, and I realize I am very lucky in many ways – but it isn’t all luck, it is how I choose to approach and be in those spaces. Does it always work? No. I had some family members that were very mean about it, but I chose not to care or engage with them in that way.
People and Feasting
At the end of the day, Feasting is a way for all of us to come together. We share the bounty of good food that feeds our body, our tastes. We share the bounty of each others company, feeding our soul and our senses. We share memories as we create new ones. Feasting in this way is about nourishing the body and soul together.
The reason for the feast matters less to me than the gathering itself. We are all there for different reasons, yet we all share in the experience together. Raise your glass in silence to your Divine, and raise your glass with a boisterous voice for the people who surround you – for one is yours and one is shared. This isn’t about hiding your beliefs, it is an act of respect for all the different ones gathered together. Even Pagans are toasting to different Gods while celebrating the same season.
I am wishing all of you a wonderfully magical winter season. I hope that you find a way to be in joyous contentment while you gather and celebrate with others who are different from you. I hope you take the opportunity to create new memories and new connections. In the end, I raise my glass to you, for I may not know you, we may be different on the surface, but we are connected and share so many other things together.
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