I meant to do this post on Christmas. I’m a loser, forgive me.
Coming into Christmas this year has been different. I haven’t been involved in the rat race like usual to secure year end funding (a major part of my job) since I am on Sabbatical.
Also, I’ve had a few days to rest after the semester was over and think about things, journal a bit, read Scripture and pray. And I don’t like what I see, actually.
For example, did you know that I am so selfish? And pretty judgemental (in my head at least). I can be really rotten. Also, a spoiled little brat. I have anger issues and I can get huffy with folks. I’m not entirely excited about how I’ve managed money and I wish that I wasn’t so lazy. These of course, are all on the peripheral but if you think I’m going to get more personal than that –think again, bloggers. 🙂
The point is, this Christmas I’ve had time to know why I need Jesus. Why I am so glad he was born. I’ve had time to reflect on how being a lazy, spoiled, judgemental, selfish brat effects my relationships with my best friends, my husband, my sisters, my son, etc. And as I’ve battled depression, my awareness of my need for something other than money, or kids, or my spouse or anything the world can give me, is heightened.
It’s been easy every other year to be too busy with shopping and fund-raising and cookies and family functions and wrapping presents to realize that without Jesus I would be WORSE than I am now. And, yes that is possible. 😉Here’s the bottom line. To me, Christmas means: God is with us. All I know is that almost 13 years ago I decided that I believed Jesus was God’s son and that with his life he paid for the ransom for the sins of the world. When I decided to trust that my whole life changed.
Jesus has been there for me. Jesus has saved me from myself and has done things that can only be explained as a miracles. (ask me if your interested). Jesus has changed me and helped me to love my husband and to love myself and to care about the needs of the world. I hate as much as the next gal how people have done evil evil things in the name of Jesus — but that does not mean that’s what he is like –people are stupid & do evil things for all sorts of bizzare reasons. But this I know, Jesus is all about caring for the poor, hurting, starving underdogs of this world, which I feel a part of.
Who would I be without Jesus? Where would I be? I know some people think I’m crazy or stupid for my beliefs, but I’ve never cared less. I love him. And I see how my life is 1,000,000 times better because I know him & that makes this Christmas so very meaningful to me… because God is with me.