Little BLOG Of Horrors: Say Goodnight, Gracie.

Have you ever seen Little Shop of Horrors? It’s a musical about a nerdy florist who finds his chance for success and romance with the help of a giant man-eating plant who demands to be fed.

With blood.

It’s a slippery slope for Seymour. He starts off by pricking his finger to feed the hungry plant. But as the plant grows he demands more blood which forces Seymour to take more drastic measures.

Seymour does horrible things to feed the blood-thirsty plant.

In the end, the plant outgrows Seymour. “Feed me, Seymour,” it demands.

And then it eats him.

This, my friends is what my blog -social networking, rather- is doing to me. Demanding more and more of my blood. I’m half tempted to start killing my neighbors to offer their blood as fuel for my blog.

Drip.

On a larger level, I stayed up from 2:15am until 5am-ish wondering why I’m experiencing such a grandiose level of social networking constipation, over-busyness & the like. My iphone -which I love & adore almost as much as this hilarious video about loving said iphone– is constantly in my hand at every free moment. I’ve gotten quite addicted to checking my facebook & twitter pages, email & playing Spider Solitaire.

That makes me unhappy.

(Seriously. Who actually enjoys being an addict?)

Drop.

All that, in the midst of wondering why I’ve said “yes” to major commitments I should have said a resounding “no” to if I had bothered to seek wisdom from wise people who give sage advice. Oops.

Drip.

And then there’s the small matter of school. I dropped out of last semester and have officially pushed the “pause” button.

Drop.

I’m old enough and grown enough -and wise enough- to know that I MUST choose that which I will not regret later. My late night musings led me to write down what would break my heart thirty years from now. Much of what I would regret would be giving an exorbitant amount of attention to things (or stuff) which keeps me from pursuing the great loves of my life: God, Dave, my children & family, my ministry to black students through InterVarsity, my health & my sanity.

It’s sad for me to say, but I’ve went back & forth (forth & back) and blogging just doesn’t make the cut.

I am passionately in love with my job which is my primary way of making a living. Blogging neither brings home the bacon, nor fulfills my intense desire to change the world in thoughtful, meaningful and strategic ways. It could. If I could give it my all but that’s not my call. It’s not my dream.

And let’s just face it, if blogging were my only job I’d be bored as hell.

My dream -I’m convinced- will always be wrapped up in the black community, serving black college students and advancing God’s Kingdom through the mission of InterVarsity Christian Fellowship which I clearly love being a part of.

I hope & pray God allows me to be a minister in InterVarsity for the rest of my days on earth. Even when I’m 72 -Lord willing- I hope I’m leading a Bible study on some campus somewhere for freshman girls.

Quite simply if my life were a giant term paper, blogging -as I’ve been doing it at least- is off topic. Sigh.

Drip.

It’s been really difficult. It’s taken a good long time to admit to myself that social networking, blogging & pursuing a Masters of Divinity have been distractions* I’ve used to keep me from investing myself in the most precious things the Lord has given me.

*I use the word distractions in the absolute nicest way possible because social networking, blogging or pursuing degrees are all good things at the right time for the right person.

As I prayed last night, I sensed God himself giving me the a-o-kay to focus on my marriage, our conflict issues, our need to get clean, our parenting, our ministry, our best-friendship, our kiddos, etc. without my blog hanging over my shoulder demanding I give MORE BLOOD.

Without a seminary degree hanging over my shoulder wanting my blood.

Drop.

The point is, I’m taking a break, y’all. I’m not closing up shop on my blog, but I am walking away from my blog, facebook and twitter for a good while. I’m dropping out of school for at least 5-10 years and no less. My babies are too young and my time is too precious to be spent chasing a pie in the sky.

I love of all these things, none of them are bad, evil or otherwise ungodly. They have become a drug of choice for me, and I need to check into rehab. I’ve been donating too much blood to social networking, etc.

I know I’m headed into MAJOR withdrawal, but that’s normal right? I need to rewire a bit.

I need to desire to go out for a run, not sit down and write a blog post every 5 minutes. Do you know the last time I went out for a run?

Nope, me either. (And I’m chunky, y’all ~ I could stand a whole lot of runs).

If you haven’t yet, go up to the top right of my blog and subscribe by email that way you’ll know when I decide to come back. Feel free to unsubscribe after that. At least it will save you the trouble of coming back to keep checking on when I’ll pick this back up again.

My goal is to take a break for a good month at least. 30-60 days of life without social networking should help. Maybe it will be longer.

Hopefully, it will be longer.

I’m sorry and I’m sad. I wish I could, ya know, be something for you all, be someone who y’all could think had life all together. Sinfully, I wish y’all thought I could actually do it all, have it all.

It seems the only real way to “have it all,” is to prioritize and re-order. I need to re-shift what “all” means…

If we don’t think “all” includes changing our whole lives around to make time for the most important relationships haven’t we all ready discounted ourselves from ‘having it all?’

I am being realistic here:

I know there’s a gajillion other blogs out there to read…
I know that y’all may not miss me… (well except of course my colorful posts in which I ramble on about my hair)! =)
I know I may lose the platform I’ve been working so hard to build so that I could prove to some fancy schmancy New York non-fiction agent that I can sustain and build a growing audience of readers. *sigh*…
I know I’ll probably lose readers, ad revenue & my meager blogging “salary,” …

…but I must do this…

I have to y’all.

What if I never got around to making my marriage better or being a better Mama or writing the book (or two) I dream of writing?

How sad would that be in 30 years? Sheesh.

If I ignore these important tasks any longer I’m a weak woman. A woman chasing an unexamined life and not my present reality.

That’s not a woman to respect or follow.

That’s a woman to pity.

As Arnold Shwarzenegger once said…

“I’LL BE BACK!”

(Hopefully better)

Love & hugs,

“Say goodnight, Gracie.”