anxious vacation

I left for Caleeeeeeeefornia (as the 6 yr. old would say) last Friday. The plan was to rest & retreat until Tue. morning when we’d leave for IV’s National Multi-Ethnic Conference.  Rest & retreat =  spend time with the Lord while trying hard not to use the extra time to blog, work on my book, respond to emails or do anything work related.  Peeps, holy carruthers this has been so hard…

…thankfully, I was actually able to put down my pen, my laptop, my shows, etc.  The price? ANXIETY times elleventy billion.  I made a joke on Twitter that my inner-work-aholic had come out to play.  It’s not that I’ve been over working for the past 3.5 days, after all I’ve been doing this…

…it’s that I’ve not been doing anything remotely productive and it’s felt wrong. wrong. wrong…heavy, deep & long sigh.  My little R1 has had a fever.  I’ve hated being away from him while he’s sick.  I can handle it when I’m away but working.  But being away and sitting poolside feels downright evil.  Bad case of the Mom Guilt all up in this mug.

I think this is the first time in a gajillion years I don’t feel exactly excited to throw myself into an InterVarsity staff conference and it’s only because of all my aforementioned issues which seem –a bit– ridiculous to me so I’m pretty much banking on the fact that you’ll have grace for me.  In any case, I want to go home. =( I miss my kids, I even miss my crazy husband.  I may even *gasp* miss my evil-piss-where-they-shouldn’t cats.

Let’s throw in a little optimism shant we?

First off, in keeping with my screw-2012-and-get-healthy-for 2021  health goals, I’ve ran 3 times in the last 4 days!  Total score for me.  AND, the neighberhood I’m running is hilly-than-a-mug!  4 gold stars pinned to my imaginary board.

Random aside: one day while I was running I was listening to Pink’s “F*@kin’ Perfect.” I imagined God singing the lyrics of the song to me, “pretty pretty please if you ever, ever feel like your less then, less then perfect, pretty pretty please if you ever, ever feel like your nothing, you are perfect to me.”  Just what I needed.

Second, the home I’ve been staying in San Marco is BEAUTIFUL with a capital B…

…this is their back porch, above is their pool…the inside is so stunning there aren’t words!  It was amazing to be a part of the C’s family for these past few days! They are the sweetest.  They are the kind of folks that delight in practicing hospitality…cooking us all kinds of good foods & such.  My belly & heart are full.

Third – I went to the beach! I love the beach. Nothin’ like hot sand between the toes.

Lastly –on the good news front– I really enjoyed attending the C’s Church with them on Sunday.  I guess I’m feeling extremely vulnerable because the worship, the message & the baptisms had me crying like a baby.

With that, I’m off.  Were driving a couple hours North to Long Beach where all the ethnic minority staff in InterVarsity will gather for alignment, vision-making/sharing, good food, fun, cross-pollination and usually a lot more.  We work hard, but we play hard too.  This is one of my favorite InterVarsity conferences if for no other reason then the worship & the party!

So.  What’s your life looking like this week?

xo,