Everyday Black Matters
For the past few days I have been thinking “what the $#^%$&^% did I just blog? About pornography? About me?!?!?!”
On my run today I was listening to the TED talk; Doctors Make Mistakes, Can We Talk About That? by: Brian Goldman. After his talk, I was glad blogged on pornography...and…me.
Brian helpfully admits how he started his profession trying hard to never make mistakes because perfection was expected. Yet, no matter how hard he tried he misdiagnosed or missed something. In the first 5 years of his practice, he almost killed 3 patients. Over the course of his medical career, many more would follow.
But that’s not so much what his talk was about… It was more about the fact that human beings don’t perform as robots do. People, not robots all respond differently to outside factors like sleep deprivation, hunger, heart-break, divorce, etc. In medicine in particular, people unlike cars present symptoms differently which in turn lead us to respond differently. Given all that, he says, mistakes are inevitable.
He argues if you take all the mistake-making people out of the medical system, there won’t be anyone left.
“The redefined physician is human, knows she’s human, accepts it … and she works in a culture of medicine that acknowledges that human beings run the system.” -Brian Goldman
He argues, the best way around this is to simply realize that human beings make mistakes and to release your expectation that anyone in your life will perform perfectly. Secondly, share your mistakes openly. Finally, in a loving + supportive way listen to the mistakes of others.
Inside scoop: my strategy on life and leadership has always been to slowly but surely reveal all the details of my sordid life over the course of time so that there will never be a point where someone will say “busted” or “ha! We found you out,” or “Pack it up, Grace, we got you!” If I’ve all ready shared everything in a blog, I’ll never be busted, right?
Obviously, my plan is fool proof.
There is also a part of me that always wants to keep. it. real. Born to TMI?
Maybe.
No, it’s because I’m a minister and because I preach and teach. My somewhat public profile wants you to know that I’m not perfect. I make mistakes. I share my mistakes. I have accountability. I share my temptations with my inner circle. When I fall, I tell the appropriate people so that appropriate measures will be taken. I’ve lived in secret before and it’s no fun.
No man or woman is an island. No good leader is above being corrected by good people who love them. Mistakes are made and then appropriate actions are taken.
I live that process day by day. Year by year. I make my mistakes, I take responsibility for them. I share them on my blog.
I don’t live a happy go lucky life, and I’m not perfect. My marriage isn’t perfect. My mothering is anything but perfect. But I try like hell to live a life of integrity and character amidst my mistakes.
I’ll never do it perfectly.
I’ll never do it perfectly.
I’ll never do it perfectly.
Don’t expect it from me or ANYONE IN YOUR LIFE.
(Consequently, my expectations of the perfection of others has deeply wounded me in the past. I’m trying to let those expectations go. You should too)!
It takes a lot of energy for people to act like they have their junk together and I have no interest in it. Maybe people would pretend less if they knew you’d love them anyway. Food for thought.
In a lot of ways, what Dr. Goldman said in his TED talk is nothing new.
It was God’s original idea that we are all seriously jacked-up people.
It was God’s original idea to tell each other when we screw up royally.
And it was Jesus who said we should keep forgiving folks even if they piss on you, kill you, steal your money or your boyfriend.
So. I shared that very personal thing, this series of mistakes in my life. And I hope that in my sharing you find some relief for your own battles.
That you are a human being, bound to make mistakes…and yet still deeply loved by God.
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