Where Does God Talk To You?

God is fond of talking to me at two inconvenient times: when I’m in the shower and when I’m in bed at 5 in the morning. When I’m sleeping, he stands over my bed and pokes me.

“Pst…are you sleeping?”

I pretend not to hear him and roll over. Sometimes I put a pillow over my head. He keeps poking.

“Psssssssst…I said…ARE YOU SLEEPING!”

“Go away, God! It’s still dark outside. I’m asleep.”

“Let’s chat. You wanna chat?”

He perches himself on the edge of the bed and starts humming and bouncing up and down.

“Please let me sleep, I beg of you!”

“Okaaaaay. I was going to tell you what really happened on the grassy knoll that day but since you’re too tired to listen, I guess I’ll be on my way.”

“Wait. You’ll really tell me what happened to JFK?

“Meh, that’s a long boring story. You wouldn’t want to hear that. Let’s talk about ice! Isn’t ice the greatest thing ever?”

“Ice. You woke me up at 5 in the morning to talk about ice? If I could see you, I would strangle you.”

“Psh, your reflexes are far too slow, especially first thing in the morning. Yes, ice. It’s marvelous and magical. Ice, you see…is a reflection of the holy trinity. You know how you’re always saying that you don’t understand how God and Jesus and the holy spirit can all be one yet separate?

“Yeah.”

“We’re like ice. Ice is solid like God, it’s fluid like Jesus and it’s gas like the holy spirit. We are all uniquely the same yet totally different depending on the circumstances. Isn’t that cool? Get it? Cool like ice? Wow, this is a tough crowd. You know, if you look hard enough, you’ll find little references like that in so many different places. They are there to help you understand.”

“Wow. That really is pretty cool and marvelous and magical. You are amazing.”

“Okay, you can go back to sleep now.”

“What? But now I’m wide awake! Let talk some more.”

“I’m done talking. I’ll listen.”

He also gets chatty is when I’m in the shower. I’ve heard from a few other people that they too hear from God in the shower. Apparently, the time of day doesn’t matter, only that you’re naked and scrubbing you’re armpits.

“Do you love me?”

“What?”

“Do you love me?”

“Yeah. Of course I love you.”

“Do you know that I love you too?”

“I know.”

“I love you more.”

“No, I love YOU more.”

“You really gonna try to win that game with Me, Yost?”

“I guess you’re right. You love me more.”

“And don’t you forget it.”

There is an awkward silence where the only thing I hear is the water and my children pounding on the bathroom door because someone has inevitably ruined someone else’s life.

“Um, are you still there, God?”

“Yeah.”

“Can you let me wash my girl parts in private, please?”

“Oh, right…I’ll talk to you later but don’t forget…who loves you more?”

“You do.”

“Say it again, louder now and with feeling!”

“YOU DO!”

I think he picks these times because they are when I’m at my most vulnerable and most likely to listen. I am alone and I’m not surrounded by the noise of my life. Normally he’s blocked out by a cacophony of dishes clanking, tap shoes tapping, clarinets squeaking, video games buzzing, phones calling and when I’m cooking dinner, smoke alarms blaring.

He most certainly talks to me all the time but I don’t hear him. I need to listen more carefully during the day. I bet he’d help me in so many sticky situations. He’d be sitting in the passenger seat of my car and when someone cuts me off he’d reach over in a protective way, block my arm from rising up with an insulting finger and say, “it sure is a good thing you’ve cut off so many people before on accident so you can understand how others can make that same mistake.”

He’d remind me of my blessings and distract me from my troubles. He’d make me laugh. He’d encourage me to rest and spend time with him. Yes, there are so many great things I would hear, if only I would listen to that small, still voice.

Where do you feel God talks to you most?

A guest post written by: Alicia Yost of America’s Next Top Mommy. Alicia & I are friends through an online memoir writing course at Gotham.