So. I’m in my late thirties now

I turned 36 on the eve on New Years Eve.  I had a great day getting mani/pedi’s with one of my favorite people in the world.  She took me to Bigby’s and out to dinner.  We did all the things that besties do best.  But, and you knew there was a ‘but’ coming, I have since come down from that day to feel somewhat disappointed to be labeled with the “late 30’s” tag.

I’m it.

Does my disappointment in hitting the “30’s” have anything to do with unhelpful expectations of my youth?  I  thought by now I’d have a real sense of pride in the way I do my mothering job but I don’t. I’m thankful for the ways others try to help me work through this.  I wonder, is this a phase that every Mom has to go through?  If so, I’m in the middle of it…just like my “late 30’s.” I sense a theme here.

I thought by now that I’d have my ‘ish together in consistently keeping a house a clean or a budget balanced. But I dont.

In my 20’s I thought a lot about what these ole’ 30’s may look like, especially these “late 30’s” and I assumed that with all that age and all that passage of time and 2-3 happy children joining us for the journey that peace and happiness would abound all the more.

But…if anything, it’s been the exact opposite. The more kids the greater the level of chaos.   The better the job the more the complex the schedule.  The more money the more to squander, the greater the guilt.  The bigger the house more toilets to clean.  The older the age the saggier the breasts, the more expensive the bra’s, Dahling.

I wish I’d understood in my tender 20’s the value of goal setting, follow through, challenging yourself to learn new things, staying inspired & hopeful, living in the moment each day without grandiose ridiculous notions of what a wonderland these “late 30’s” would be.

I’m 36 now.  I’ve learned a lot along the way.  I’m squarely in that middle age realm, really hoping to live fully and beautifully into the late Summer of my life.

I’m choosing to learn from the me in my 20’s so that the me in my 40’s will thank the me in my 30’s for my intentionality.  After all, I’ve still got 37, 38 & 39 to learn to keep my house clean.  We’ll see how that goes…

What lessons have you learned from the ‘you’ of your youth?

This post is a part of Heather’s Just Write blog hop where we free write our ordinary & extraordinary moments.