10 Reasons NOT to “Feel Sorry” for Parents of LGBTQ+ Children

10 Reasons NOT to “Feel Sorry” for Parents of LGBTQ+ Children March 21, 2023

“I sometimes wonder just how many people know about my son but think we (my husband and I) don’t know. I sometimes wonder if they pity us. I wonder if they say, ‘Oh no, here come Jack and Debbie. You know their son is gay? I feel so sorry for them.”

My friend Debbie messaged that to our group of thousands moms of LGBTQ+ kids. I know what she means. Of course she’s right – I’ve heard women talk about other women this way. “I wonder if they know?” they’ve said. And, “How can they allow this?”

You can afford to pity someone when you are certain your life is so much better than theirs. You can couch it all in concern and love – even offer to pray for them.


Here is what I would really like from you:

Don’t feel sorry for us. Whether for real or pretend. Having been part of this beautiful community of parents and their LGBTQ+ kids, I can tell you, you have no reason to feel sorry for us.

I’ll give you ten reasons why not.

  1. Our kids are amazing. Every one of us loves our kids every bit as much as you love yours.
  2. Our kids are a blessing. Far from being a curse, as many non-affirming Christians love to think, our kids are an unparalleled gift.
  3. Our kids have taught us courage. By facing and then owning their own truth, they taught us courage we never knew existed.
  4. Our kids have expanded our faith. This experience has shown us that God is far bigger than a religious box designed by the church or some false religious doctrine.
  5. Our kids have shown us what unconditional love means. They showed us the limits of our love by pushing it right up to the limits and breaking those limits. Now, our love is far beyond its previous limits… and it keeps expanding and expanding…
  6. Our kids are among the rare few who are brave and strong enough to live in a world that tells lies about what it means to be a “real” man or woman. They live a life of courage and fortitude, just being who they are. Most of us are terrified to live that way.
  7. Our kids hold a very special place in Jesus’ heart. Just as anyone who was oppressed, marginalized or labeled ‘less than’ by others held a very special place in Jesus’ heart.
  8. Our kids have compassion for hurting people at a level we may never know. They are a powerful comfort to more people than we could ever imagine. If the rest of us could have such compassion, our world would be a far better place.
  9. Our kids have been the start of any amazing adventure for us parents: of love, joy, peace. We have become empowered by our kids!
  10. Our kids, by breaking down gender-role stereotypes, are creating a safer and more equitable place for all of us.

This is how some of our moms expressed it:

“Having a gay child has actually shown me how to love much more than all of the sermons preached on love.”

“My son is surrounded by a halo of love from both family and friends and I hope he can look forward to the years ahead. This is why we need to stand up and speak out on what really matters. Speak truth and love in the face of all the lies and hate.”

“What a gift to have a child who can love so purely from the heart.”

If you’re a parent of a gay, lesbian, bisexual, or transgender child, please contact us. We’ll get you connected with other parents to get the support you need. We have vibrant community and extensive resources just for you. Come say hello!

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