We are not responsible to change people’s behavior. It’s not our job, even with our children, especially as they get older. If you think you’re going to make your pianist into a football player, give it up now. Unfortunately, much of the church today is about behavior modification. But please remember, the reality of the church and the truth about Jesus are not always the same thing – especially regarding the LGBTQ issue. Jesus is not about behavior modification; He... Read more
“My firsthand experience with my own child, has radically changed my attitudes toward the LGBT community. I feel compassion, not judgment. Love, not condemnation.” A reader sent this to me and, with her permission, I am sharing it with you… When our son told us he was gay, I pleaded with God to show us the path forward. I felt completely lost, trapped between the official, loudly articulated position of “the church” and my overwhelming love for my son. So... Read more
“My husband and I are looking for a church that will align with our values and accept gays and lesbians. Our current church/denomination ‘accepts’ them with limits and reservations. Does God only love part of us?? NO! My son is gay and a Christian, and we want him to feel free to worship with us at a church that loves him too. Any suggestions of denominations we could try?” That is exactly the problem across much of the Christian church... Read more
My heart breaks for the spiritual abuse of people whose heart’s desire is to do the best, but who believe (from childhood training) that their best will never be good enough. I have counseled women who suffered sexual abuse by pastors, and whose legalistic churches turned a blind eye to them. I’ve counseled youth and adults who will not find peace because they cannot please an unpleasable parent. And I have counseled LGBTQ tormented by fear of hell because of... Read more
It’s Halloween, a time for scary costumes! But something else is even scarier — it fills people with fear instead of love and should make us all afraid. What is it? Let’s play a Halloween trivia game to find out! 🙂 See if you know the right answers. Here are the players: LGBTQ—wants freedom to live their lives, and to be loved and included along the journey; often treated as outcasts Christ-followers—their job is to love and include others; they... Read more
Maybe the church has too much time on its hands. Like kids near the end of summer when Mom is saying, “Okay, two more weeks and they’re back in school. No more boiling a baseball so it will bounce higher or using conditioner on the dog.” I say this because so many in the evangelical church spend a lot of time making enemies of the LGBTQ and allies, protecting its own power structure, and generally distinguishing itself as devoid of... Read more
John Lennon said, “There are two basic motivating forces: fear and love. When we are afraid, we pull back from life. When we are in love, we open to all that life has to offer with passion, excitement, and acceptance… all hopes for a better world rest in the fearlessness and open-hearted vision of people who embrace life.” I have been afraid of a lot of things. Strangers. Public speaking. Being brutally murdered. For about a year, I had nightly... Read more
Ellen rejected her young friend Becky when Becky came out to her. Years later, Ellen apologized for reacting with the “learned church response” instead of Christ’s love, acceptance and compassion. Here is her letter, with permission… September 15, 2013 Dear Becky, I so pray that you will read this letter. If not, I understand you not wanting to re-open a painful chapter of your life—but there is so much I want you to know. Maybe hearing my journey will help... Read more
This is Rob Cottrell. I have experienced a lot in life. I didn’t think something could still surprise me, but I was wrong — a transgender woman made me blush. I was sharing at PFLAG, an incredible organization, which provides amazing support to families and friends. Near the end, a trans woman said she could listen to me talk for hours because I had an incredible “buttery” voice. I’ll admit it – I blushed. Big time. No one has made... Read more
We lost the ability to love our gay son because we no longer had a gay son. What we had wished for, prayed for, hoped for — that we would not have a gay son — came true… but not at all in the way we had envisioned. – Linda Robertson Linda and Rob shared their story at Rain City Church, Bellevue, WA, of how their fear that their son was gay eventually turned into the nightmare of him overdosing... Read more
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