They Call Us Military “Dependents,” but Dependence Never Looked So Courageous

Guest post by Melissa Kulp Frankenfield

“I am of certain convinced that the greatest heroes are those who do their duty in the daily grind of domestic affairs whilst the world whirls as a maddening dreidal.” — Florence Nightingale

Fanning the home-front fires requires such a mundane heroism, an attention to domestic affairs while the world whirls. This is too often uncelebrated.

Well, I am new to this military gig. (Like when my husband got promoted, I asked him whether the ceremony was worth attending. Shameful.) I plead ignorance.

But I can no longer.

For almost five years, I have been privy to the quiet heroism and humble service of those who are claimed on paper as “dependents.”

And perhaps therein lies the greatest irony of military language. For these spousal dependents, are quite remarkably -not.

Independent. Resilient. Brave. These are our domestic soldiers.

Of this I have become convinced: Our foreign offense is only as good as our domestic defense.

Veterans of domestic combat- You may have glimpsed them in their yoga pants, over-sized West Point sweatshirt-uniform. Their battles never make headlines or form rules of war. Medals do not adorn their chest.

Rather, these “dependent” soldiers contend with clogged drains and oil changes and parent teacher nights. Often alone. They battle homework and hormonal teens and HVAC headaches. Many times, alone. They host holidays and hail birthdays and haul trash away. Frequently, alone. They fight the family flu and their founded fears and the fatigue of doing it all alone.

And yet march on.

Their combat zone has hardships too. Losing a parent while an ocean away. Children who snotty-cry all night after saying goodbye. Staring at a flag-draped casket while “Taps” hauntingly plays. Giving birth over Skype so your husband won’t “miss it.”

Packing. Unpacking. Starting over. Rebuilding. A life always subject to change.

Soccer practices five nights a week. Three kids. Three teams. One weary mom.
New neighbors. New culture. New life. One newlywed wife.
Endless farewells to too many friends. An army of military wives.

Dependency has never looked so courageous.

Beautiful in battle. Braver than most. Grace under fire.

Not always. Not perfect. But still prevailing.

To you veterans of domestic combat, I am humbled by your example and inspired by your courage.

Heroine dependents, you are. Thank you for your service to your country.

Melissa Kulp Frankenfield is a military wife and former high school teacher currently stationed in Vicenza, Italy and blogs at “courage, dear heart”