And Then There Were Two: Thoughts on Twin Pregnancy

I was 20 weeks on Friday. Since I’ll probably make it to 36-37 weeks with this pregnancy (the average gestational age at birth for twins is 36 weeks), I am more than halfway through this pregnancy.

Even though I have been pregnant for about 5 months, and known about the twins for 4 of those 5, I still look down at my stomach at least once a day and marvel,

There are two people in there.

Two little hearts, pumping fast and furious (150 and 160 bpm at the last appointment), two little circulatory sytems pumping blood through their tiny veins.

Inside of each of those little bodies is a little soul.

It amazes me when I watch Maggie interact with her siblings. She knows there are two babies in mommy’s belly, and she often comes to “make the babies happy” by resting a hand on my belly, or laying her head there, giving them a little kiss.

She knows the babies will come “when its time for Christmas” and she somehow also thinks that the babies are bringing her a princess doll. I think she means Santa, so we’re going to have to work on that! On the other hand, it would be pretty cool if her siblings “brought” her a gift when they get home from the hospital. Maybe she’s on to something here.

I’ve been feeling these little peanuts move for about a month or so. Their little jabs, punches, and kicks are getting stronger;  Atticus has even been able to feel a few.

Although I have just passed the 20 weeks mark, I look basically how I did entering the 3rd trimester with Maggie, which is normal, so says my doctor.

So how is this pregnancy really different from Maggie’s?

It is different, but it hasn’t been as different as I thought.

The morning sickness started right away, but only lasted until about 12 weeks and wasn’t as severe as I had heard it often is with twins.

I’ve felt mostly the same physically, only getting bigger faster. So round, I feel like a beach ball.

I also solved the mystery of the migraine headaches. I had terrible migraines when I was pregnant with M, and I was starting to get them this time. Only I figured out that the aspartame in diet soda was causing them. I’ve basically completley cut out diet soda and lo! have had maybe 2 headaches.

But, I have to drink my coffee. If you’ll recall, coffee and I have a love affair. I need one cup every morning. If I don’t have the coffee, I get a headache. Sweet, sweet coffee.

I can have a diet soda about once a week and that seems to not trigger a migraine, so that’s my treat if we go out.

I’ve replaced it with sparkling water at home, and mostly iced tea out of the house. Splenda does not give me headaches, thanks be to God.

I’ve gained 15 pounds! Pretty good actually, but I only put on 20 my whole pregnancy with Maggie, so 15 by 20 weeks seems like a lot.

Tomorrow morning we are having our big anatomy ultrasound in the morning. Maggie is coming with us, and she’s excited to “see the babies” and for us to find out if she’s going to have brother(s) or sister(s).

Anyone want to place a bet as to what the genders are?

Also…and don’t judge. We’re having a gender reveal party. Well, I’m having one with my girlfriends. Atticus and the husbands of said girlfriends are so totally uninterested.

Atticus and I will find out tomorrow morning at the u/s and have that family moment. Then on Wednesday night I’ll celebrate with my girlfriends, some cupcakes, and general baby-ness.

Any excuse to party and eat cake, right?

I’ve been really quiet on the blog so far this pregnancy, and I think at least part of it is due to feeling tired, and part of it is that it’s sort of overwhelming to know what exactly to say.

In an ironic turn of events, a woman who needed to take 4 different medications and try for a year to get pregnant is going to have 3 kids in 3 years. This is close to the top of the list of things I never thought would happen.

The amazing overwhelming-ness of it isn’t lost on me.

I have no idea why I am pregnant with twins while other families are still waiting for their miracle pregnancy or adoption. It’s certainly not because I deserve this for one second. It’s certainly not because I have earned this. How could we ever “earn” the “right” to have a child? Who could be worthy of that?

No, its the combination of medical treatment that worked (thank God for NaPro and Dr. Mattingly), our choices in a given cycle, and …. that most mysterious component of all…God’s will. I don’t know if these babies are a result of God’s “active” or “passive” will, and I probably will never know for sure. But I have to believe that in some measure, these babies are here because God wanted them to be. We certainly wanted them, but of course, we also wanted to welcome a baby for the 11 cycles before that when one (let alone two!) did not come.

What was different? The clomid? HCG? How can we ever know for sure? We can’t.

Only God knows. So the only response is praise and gratitude for this enormous gift.

And a determination to pray for all of those still waiting, that God will be as good to them as he has been to us, even if the blessings given aren’t in the form of children. Everyone who is still waiting, you are in my prayers every day. I have not forgotton what it feels like, the sting of yet another announcement, cycle come and gone. You are all near and dear to my heart.

Don’t worry….I won’t leave you all hanging. Quick takes will announce the gender(s) for those who don’t find out before! Don’t forget to make a guess if you’d like before tomorrow morning.