Recognizing bad writing

Dan Brown, the author of The Da Vinci Code who thinks Christianity is a vast conspiracy and who confounds fiction with history, has just published another book, The Lost Symbol. This one, from what I gather, is about the Masons, Washington, D.C., and, of course, the sinister Catholic church. Critics are lampooning the thing, but that won’t keep millions of readers from buying it and believing it. This article in a British newspaper catalogues a number of Mr. Brown’s literary faults, going so far as to propose his 20 worst sentences. Before you click the link, let’s test our own literary acumen. What is bad about this particular passage?

A voice spoke, chillingly close. “Do not move.” On his hands and knees, the curator froze, turning his head slowly. Only fifteen feet away, outside the sealed gate, the mountainous silhouette of his attacker stared through the iron bars. He was broad and tall, with ghost-pale skin and thinning white hair. His irises were pink with dark red pupils. [em>The Da Vinci Code, chapter 4]