Matthew Cochran, a Concordia Theological Seminary lay graduate who blogs at 96th Thesis has a provocative article in The Federalist entitled If You Want Men In Your Church, Stop Treating Them With Contempt.
Responding to a New York Times column byย Ross Douthat, โGod and Men and Jordan Peterson,โย on the churchesโ gender gap, Cochrane argues that the reason men tend to be less active in church than women is that churches treat them with contempt.
Cochrane compares Motherโs Day sermons, which are usually odes of praise to Motherhood, to Fatherโs Day sermons, whichโas he shows from an online samplingโtend to berate fathers for doing such a poor job.ย He also takes to task the way churches teach about men and women, including toning down those unpopular Biblical texts on the wifeโs submission.
He also tosses off a stunning statistic about divorce that I had never heard before:ย That 60-80% of divorces are initiated by the wife.
Like most Americans, American Christians are absolutely terrified of being labeled misogynist (andย racist, homophobic, transphobic, etc.) Alas for them: popular culture judges anything contrary to feminism as misogynistic, and the Bible is by no means a feminist book.
So Christians โdefendโ the Bible by placarding a few passages that sound maybe-sort-of feminist (e.g. โDeborah!โ โIn Christ there is no male and female!โ), while ignoring and even obfuscating all the passages that cannot possibly be reconciled with feminist philosophy (โWives submit to your husbands as to the Lord.โ โI do not permit a woman to teach or to exercise authority over a manโ). . . .
Godโs instructions to husbands and wives inย Ephesians 5ย is probablyย the most hated Bible passage in America. Without exception, both in church and at seminary, every time I have heard Ephesians 5 taught, the โhusbands, love your wivesโ part was laid out straightforwardly with a healthy dose of shame for men who do not aspire to love their wives as Christ loves the church.
If we teach the female half of our congregations that Godโs instruction is to be carefully avoided, the male half is going to learn the same lesson.This is as it should beโflattery of men is not the solution here. Nevertheless, when those same teachers taught the part that instructs wives to submit to their husbands as unto Christ, they spent the entire time hedgingโexplaining nothing while piling up (often dubious) exceptions until submission had no tangible meaning at all. And thatโs if they didnโt just gloss over it entirely.
This is poor instruction, particularly when we consider which part our culture is most apt to rebel against. If we teach the female half of our congregations that Godโs instruction is to be carefully avoided, the male half is going to learn the same lessonโand they wonโt be oblivious to the blatant hypocrisy.
Our churches similarly neglect Godโs teaching on divorce. To our shame, while conservative Christians will usually stand firm against โliberalโ sins (abortion, homosexuality, etc.) weโre less apt to address sins that involve most of the people in our congregations. This is true of many sins, but divorce is the big one of which men are disproportionately the victims.
After all, depending on what study you look at, between 60 and 80 percent of divorces are unilaterally carried out by wives against their husbands.
Is Cochraneโs point fair?ย Are there other reasons why men might not like to be involved with church?ย Some have noted the โfeminizationโ of the churchโits adoption of touchy-feely emotions and romantic talk about Jesusโwhich goes beyond allegedly holding contempt for men.
And might men deserve to be criticized in this age of absent fathers and callous husbands?ย After all, if women are initiating most of the divorces, why is that?ย Shouldnโt a man who is the spiritual head of his family, in whom by virtue of his vocationย is hidden Christ in His relationship with the church, prevent that from happening?
But even so, does he still have a point?
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Illustration, โPortrait of a Manโ (2004-2005) by Gert Germeraad [CC BY-SA 3.0 (https://creativecommons.org/licenses/by-sa/3.0)], from Wikimedia Commons