Sexual desire is a swamp. There’s no firm ground to stand on in psychology, biochemistry isn’t much help either.
Some of the most miserable people I’ve known can’t stop thinking about sex. And the more they sink into sexual desire, the more miserable they are.
Here’s something that may help: if sex doesn’t get you out of yourself, you’re doing it wrong.I’m not talking about ecstasy, a word we’ve managed to ruin. I’m talking about the world around you, the one filled primarily with other people.
Here are some guidelines for thinking about sex in a way that gets you out of yourself. (Notice, they not only take you out of yourself, they take you out of the little sphere of “consensual sex.” These go bigger, in concentric spheres.)
- Do your sexual practices build up your household?
- Do your sexual practices build up the institutions of your local community?
- Do your sexual practices build up your local church?
- Do your sexual practices reflect the one flesh union of Christ, the bridegroom, and his bride, the Church?
The last is the most important, keeping it in mind will have a cascade effect, bring health to all the rest.