The War on Christmas

I don’t like Christmas.  Seriously, I don’t like it.  This status of mine from last year on Facebook sums up my feelings about Christmas and many of the things associated with it,

“In [Thrift Shop] today and some demon child from the depths of the most hellish of hells was quietly, but loud enough for me to hear, singing to herself, “We wish you a merry Christmas”.

Shit is stuck in my head now, hours later.”

You should probably know that the song has randomly popped into my head several time this past year, and I blame that incident from last year.  So yeh, I don’t like Christmas and as such you would think that I would be an active soldier in the war on Christmas.  But I am not.  I wonder why that is…

The Town That Banned Christmas Lights

In Australia there is a town named Cardwell, in 2013 they banned Christmas lights, because Muslims were complaining about them.  There was even a petition last year calling for the ban to be lifted!  I would have been part of the call to ban Christmas lights in Cardwell, but I wasn’t because,

1 – I do not live in Cardwell

2 – I am not Muslim and

3 – Christmas lights were never actually banned in Cardwell and Muslims never complained about the stupid lights, so stop sharing that fake news story every damn year!

From what I understand there are many towns in many countries that have caused such outrage by not banning Christmas lights when people on Facebook said they did ban Christmas lights.  The audacity.

Every School Has Banned Christmas Everything

I understand that basically every school in every country has done this now, banned the Christmas carols, banned the trees, banned secret Santa, banned the use of the words, “Christmas” and “Santa” among other such Christmassy things.  Once again this was done at the behest of the Muslims, but also some of the godless Atheists.  And once again I was not part of this banning because,

1 – My kids do not go to mainstream school

2 – I am neither Muslim nor Atheist and

3 – It’s a bloody lie, no (or not many) Muslims or Atheists complained, most schools still allow all the Christmas things (and many even allow non-Christmas things, of all the horrors), so stop sharing those clickbait fake news stories every year!

To be fair there are some policies in place in some places that do have some effect on what can be done in schools for Christmas.  For example the ban on hymns in Victorian schools, which may or may not include “praise Jesus” Christmas carols.  But most schools have not banned Christmas altogether, and those that have banned certain things have usually done so because public schools are secular schools and proselytising is not allowed in them.

Happy Holidays

It is now illegal everywhere to wish people a Merry Christmas, instead we must, by law, only wish people a Happy Holidays.  Even Barack Obama agreed it should be law when he banned the VA from saying Merry Christmas. Can you guess who made this come into law? Yes! It was those Muslims again, and some Atheists as well, damn them all.  Of course I was again not part of this law coming into being, and do you know why?

1 – I am neither Muslim nor Atheist and

2 – It’s another lie, can you please stop being so damn gullible!

This one is most amusing to me though.  People do indeed wish others a Happy Holidays, but it has absolutely nothing to do with being anti-Christmas. No, what it is actually about is the fact that Christmas isn’t the only holiday and you have no way of knowing what the random person on the street might celebrate.  Hannukah, Kwanza, Festivus, Saturnalia, Yule, Summer Solstice (here in Aus), Hogswatch or any number of other festivals are a possibility.  Also, the holiday period in December doesn’t just include these types of holidays, but also the far more interesting one of New Years Eve.  That VA ban on Merry Christmas was actually a policy that is about not putting one religion above another.

It should also be pointed out that the word “holiday” means “holy day”.  When someone says to you, “Happy Holidays!” they are not saying, “People who celebrate Christmas should die a painful death! Also, Hail Satan.”  No they are actually saying, “I hope your holy days and celebrations, whatever they may be, are good and happy.”

Which is still pretty horrible of them, if we’re being honest.

You Hate Our Country

All of us who are non or anti-Christmas and those of you who participate in the war on Christmas, we are just haters of our countries.  Because, didn’t you know, Christmas is an Aussie tradition! No.  Wait.  It’s an American tradition!  No.  Wait.  It’s an English tradition!  Um.

I guess this is the main reason why I am not a soldier in the war on Christmas, because I recognise this universal truth.  Christmas is an integral part of our culture, our country, our nation.  It’s so important that our nation will collapse if we stop celebrating it.  If you do not celebrate Christmas, then sweetie, you are just not a Real Aussie.  No.  You’re not a Real American.  Wait.  You’re not a Real Brit.

It’s a bit confusing.  I want to say that it actually goes like this, “If you don’t celebrate Christmas, then sweetie, you are not a real god fearing white person who hates Muslims and all people not like you!”

But that’s probably too mean, so I won’t say that.

There is No War on Christmas

Do you get it yet? I know most people who would normally read this blog already got it, before I wrote it.  I hope so anyway.  But hey, maybe you didn’t get it and came across this post by accident.  Do you get it now?  There is no war on Christmas, because those of us who don’t like Christmas, don’t actually care what you celebrate!

We don’t care that there are Christmas lights everywhere – although, I must admit I do not appreciate all the cars driving past my house to look at the neighbours lights, going so slowly that I start to get paranoid that there is about to be a movie style drive by shooting.

We don’t care if you wish us a merry Christmas, because good wishes are good wishes – though if you know that a specific person does not celebrate Christmas and you wish them such, on purpose, then you truly are a bit of a jerk.  We don’t care about your stupid Christmas carols, even if they do make some of us want to commit harakiri.  We don’t care about secret Santas in schools – unless they cost us a shitload of money.

We don’t care.  We might like to complain about some things, but we really don’t care enough to want any of it to be banned from anywhere.  Many of us don’t like the religious aspects being shoved down our throat, because once again – there is more than one religion and more than one holiday celebrated at this time of year.  But that has nothing to do with Santa.

So, do you get it now?

I don’t like Christmas but I am not a soldier in the war on Christmas, because there is no war on Christmas!

Happy holidays.