Drafting

DRAFT #1:  Once upon a time there were two little baby panthers. They were playing and they got so tired there mom called them in for dinner.   After dinner they went to bed. Later the next morning  they woke up and they ate breakfast and went out to play again.

That was the version Zach did completely on his own.  But Ezra protested, “Nothing happens.  You need a lion to eat the panthers.”

After much negotiation, where Zach protested that nothing bad should happen in this story, they came up with the idea of the lion attempting but failing to eat the babies.

I asked if these panthers had names, and Zach came up with the least likely panther names possible, perhaps in an attempt to mitigate the violence.

Finally, I asked if I could add a line that might end the chapter on a bit of a cliffhanger.

DRAFT #2:  Once upon a time there were two little baby panthers. They were brothers and their names were Cuddly and Lover.  They were playing and they got so tired there mom called them in for dinner.   On their way home, a lion almost ate Cuddly and Lover.  But the mommy panther came out and scared it away and the brothers got home safely.  After dinner they went to bed. Later the next morning  they woke up and they ate breakfast and went out to play again. Will this be the day that the lion finally eats Cuddly and Lover?

My friend Wendy, an expert in childhood drama, came over to help the boys act it out. (I’ll leave out all commentary on how unruly the boys were, but let’s just say that Wendy looked like she wanted a drink.  Or maybe that was just me.)  While acting it out, Wendy asked great questions about what the characters were feeling, how they would look at points in the story, and how a momma panther would defend her babies.  The boys were the panther cubs, I played the momma, and Wendy was both narrator and lion.

It was kind of amazing to me.  They took their barebones story and added the emotions and details that made the story come alive.  After we were done, I wrote down the additional details they had performed, and the boys added them to the story – without complaining, which is not their MO with writing.  Wendy and Zach also looked up panther facts online to find out what their babies are called and what they eat.

Draft #3:  Once upon a time there were two little panther cubs. They were brothers and their names were Cuddly and Lover.  One day, they were wrestling and playing chase.  They got so tired their mom called them in for dinner.   “Cuddly, Lover, come in for dinner.” On their way home, a lion almost ate Cuddly and Lover.  The cubs were scared.  But the mommy panther came out and was so angry.  She scared the lion away and the brothers got home safely.  Their mom gave them raw deer meat for dinner.  It was yummy.   After dinner they went to bed. Their mom tucked them in and she licked each of them together as a cat often does.  Later the next morning  they woke up and they ate raw bunny for breakfast and went out to play again. On the way out, mom warned them.  “Be careful!”  Will this be the day that the lion finally eats Cuddly and Lover?

Not Shakespeare, but not bad either.  Just when I had decided that we could do no more with their crappy story, a stronger rider came along, allowing me to draft behind and enjoy the ride.