Works In Progress

“I’m just gonna keep working on it until it’s done.”

“That’s good, Ezzie.  Very good,” encouraged his big brother.

Who are these little angels?  And what have they done with Zach and Ezra?

While I lay on the couch waiting for the migraine medicine to kick in, the boys worked on the homework their Occupational Therapist gave them last week.  It involved worksheets, scissors, and glue sticks.  Nothing too taxing, but exactly the kind of thing they didn’t do when all of the other pre-schoolers were doing them.  Their fine motor skills weren’t developed enough back then.

But here they are at nearly seven and eight, and they can cut on the lines, and use the glue sticks without adhering food to their clothes, and follow simple instructions without any help from Mom.

The thing I’m learning over and over again is that when I just let the boys develop the way they are going to develop, things work out much better.  When Zach was little, I read What to Expect The First Year.  The book listed monthly milestones, complete with what percentage of babies had reached them.  My heart would soar each time he did something that only 25% of the babies did and sink when he couldn’t do what 80% of his “peers” could do.  By six months, I threw the book away.

But it didn’t stop me from obsessing over their development and how I could support it.  I was secretly proud when Zach started reading at four.  And more than a little worried when Ezra still wasn’t reading at the end of kindergarten.  I was even absurdly prideful about how many teeth Zach had lost by 6.  By far the most in his class!

So stupid.

Now that we have some pretty heavy diagnoses to contend with, I think even more about development.  I spend hours on the internet looking up the right treatments and specialists.  I remind myself that the brain is plastic, and we’ve got a lot of time to work on these things.  But the truth is that even if there were no specialists, even if I never figured out the best way to help Zach understand figures of speech, or help Ezra overcome all his reading issues, I can rest in the fact that, as Jeff says, God doesn’t make mistake people.  He’s got a plan for the boys, and it’s good.

I read two great blog posts in the last few days that listed reasons to homeschool (Here’s one.  And here’s the other.)  In addition to all the great reasons they listed, today I am most especially grateful that keeping the boys at home keeps their neurotic mother away from state standards and teachers’ assessments of how they are doing compared to others.

Staying out of the schools doesn’t completely stop the worrying.  I’m still well aware that both boys have significant obstacles to overcome.  But then so do I.  And tonight, for at least a few minutes, I’m trusting that all of us are still a work in progress.

And that God is saying to a worried angel, “Don’t worry.  I’m just gonna keep working on them until their done.”