Do You Love My Boys? Do You Love Them Not?

“You need to put that away, Mom.  He needs some special time with you while Ezra works with Christine.”

This was Millie, the occupational therapist at the Amigos, telling me that I needed to put away my computer and snuggle with Zach on the couch in the school library. Zach and Ezra had both been working with Millie while I finished a document for work.  Ezra was off to see his reading specialist, and Millie was bringing Zach to me in the library.  She saw that I intended to keep working while Zach read to himself. She did not approve.

You might be expecting me to launch into a rant about how obnoxious it is for some woman who barely knows me to chastise me about not spending enough time with Zach. Does she not remember that I am with him all day?  Was she telling all of the mothers who were dropping their kids off at school that morning that they should stop and spend more time with their kids?

But I’m not gonna go there.  I’m not gonna go there because Millie loves my boys.  Loves them deep down.  She’s been seeing Zach for three years, even though he doesn’t have an IEP to dictate it, because she knows him deep down and knows that he needs it.  She’s seen Ezra for two years, and goes beyond what is required in his IEP. Her face lights up when my boys walk in the room.  She calls me when she has an idea for them.  She gives them treats and pushes them hard and applauds each and every goal they eventually meet.  Millie loves my boys.

Which is why, even though she often points out my shortcomings as a mother, I bring my boys to her with great confidence.  She is good at her job.  Really good.  But I bring them to her because she gets them and loves them.

This is also why we are going to stop seeing one of the practitioners who works with Zach.  He is an expert in working with kids like Zach, and you know how much I like experts.  The problem is that he only talks about Zach in terms of “kids like Zach.”  His face doesn’t light up.  He never laughs at any of Zach’s hijinks.  He has never once told us that Zach is good at anything, has any strengths, or is growing in any way.  I know that Zach struggles in many areas – that’s why we are bringing him to this practitioner, after all – but the boy he describes is not the boy I love.

I thought that I loved experts.  But I love my sons more.  And if you are going to work with my kids, you are gonna have to love them first.