Spirituality For Broken People

It is natural for broken people to seek solace in spirituality, yet there are warnings to consider. Picture: CC0 License.

I was broken when I first ventured outside the realm of traditional religion. Family circumstances and bullying had caused me to misuse alcohol and mess up most relationships with lovers and friends. My initial extra-religious spiritual encounters were in my late teens and early twenties. At that time, I wasn’t ready to change my behavior or admit that anything in me had broken, but spirituality offered me a new avenue to de-stress and elevate feelings of love and compassion. The path was instrumental in the changes that were to come. Here is a short version of my story, along with some warnings and examples.

Why Not Religion?

In Iceland, where I was born and raised, cultural Christianity was the norm. We observed all the Christian holidays yet rarely went to church. My family circumstances—which would have caused rebuke and judgment in any Christian congregation—probably contributed. For those… and other reasons… we stayed on the sidelines.

Nonjudgmental New Age

My mother and father became instrumental in the New Age movement in Iceland in the 90s. I tagged along, not really knowing what I was getting into. Two things attracted all of us. First, the openness to exploration. Everyone could be doing their own thing, yet everyone was together. Second, the nonjudgmental atmosphere. It was key. There were no strict rules that participants needed to follow.

The Wholeness of Yoga

By the late nineties, I felt a little less broken and was even toying with the idea of achieving wholeness. Yoga seemed to offer a path. It was the most holistic system I had encountered, especially because it included philosophies and practices for body, mind, and spirit. For the next twenty-plus years, I truly believed I could achieve wholeness if I only applied myself.

Reaction to the Reaction

Having recently turned fifty, I’ve come to the conclusion that wholeness is probably not an option in this lifetime. I still have gut reactions that date back to my brokenness. Instead of trying to control my initial responses to stressful situations, I’ve accepted that, all too often, I can only control my reaction to the reaction. Spirituality helps in that regard. Prayer, meditation, and surrender are reactions to my initial reactions of fear, irritation, and stress. Sometimes I can shorten the time between the two so much that I appear Stoic in my initial response. Other times, I must come back and apologize because the second reaction took too long to materialize.

Does Spirituality Help Broken People?

Yes. Spirituality helps people who feel broken. They find solace in spiritual practices, including prayers—both traditional and primal screams from the heart—and nondual exercises such as meditation and surrender… especially surrender.

I’ve seen spirituality save lives.

Earlier this year, for example, someone close to me unexpectedly lost a loved one. Up to that point, he was a skeptical atheist. Today, prayer gives him solace. I could retell countless stories from my own life and the lives of others that follow the same pattern.

Spirituality seems to be a natural response to overwhelming situations. Considering the alternatives—everything from alcohol and drug abuse to other addictive and numbing behaviors—finding solace in beliefs and spiritual practices is a healthier option.

Two Warnings

If I stub my toe on a hole in the sidewalk, my initial response is to turn around and warn others, at minimum, set up a barrier around the danger. That is why—even though I know that making mistakes and getting hurt can be a valuable part of the spiritual journey—I’ve tried to do the same when encountering spiritual pitfalls. With that in mind, I have two warnings when it comes to spirituality and brokenness.

1. Broken People Get Taken Advantage Of

Broken people often lack discernment, so taking advantage of them is easy. Spiritual snake oil salesmen abound. I usually advise people to think about what they’d do and where they’d look if hit with catastrophic events. During a health scare, for example, I’ve seen too many people grasp at straws and get taken advantage of by swindlers.

2. Beware of Promises of Holiness

As much as I’d like to think that people can fully recover from life’s traumas, I’ve found no proof. Behind promises of holiness, I’ve only found pretenders wearing masks. I can easily see through those because wearing masks is what we did in my family. From my decades of experience in this space, I think it’s healthier to learn to work with the arising problems and minimize the damage they can do to myself and others rather than try and project an image (mirage) of perfection.

Granted, there was a time when promises of wholeness and enlightenment spurred me to make good choices and changes, so maybe there is a time and place for them, but overall, I’ve seen them do more harm than good. As the book of AA says, choose progress over perfection.

Being Broken is Not the End

I’ve concluded life that spirituality is more like allergy medicine than surgery. It does not permanently remove ailments but offers spiritual medicine, which, if taken regularly, can help us feel better.

Several mystics have pointed out that there are two primary ways to have spiritual awakenings. One is the “crash and burn” experience, where life puts you in such a predicament that spirituality offers the only way out. The other is an exalted experience of love, light, nonduality, or compassion. I’ve experienced the latter two or three times in my life; the former I’ve experienced what feels like two or three times a year… so far.

My conclusion is that failure is not finality; being broken is not the end. Spirituality is a soothing tonic we can use to treat our ailments, so long as we understand that the treatment is like allergy medicine or dental hygiene, dependent on repetition.

Gudjon Bergmann
Author and Mindfulness Teacher
Amazon Author Profile

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