A Bad Political Hair Day

My goodness. I am so grossed out, i do not know where to start.

Wait, yes i do. Mr Trump–you have bad hair. It makes you look like a ridiculous charicature of yourself. But since you are a (straight white) man, nobody much cares. Well…a straight white man with big ol’ piles of cash. You can say and do whatever you want. You can sleep with whomever you want. You can ‘fire’ whomever you want–and get paid for doing it in an entertaining fashion. You can put a resort or golf course anywhere you want. Even if it is in a place without the water resources to sustain it. You can pretend to run for president. You can make ridiculous faces and do all this with really bad hair, and you can get away with it.

Except…well maybe you can’t. Is this FINALLY something that Republicans and Democrats can agree on? The fact that, in a democratic society, money should not equal such manipulative power? Well, and also the fact that you’ve got bad hair…i think we can all agree on that, too.

This is oligarchy at its worst… A few people who control the majority of the nation’s wealth, also have the power. If I don’t like Obama, or Romney…if my neighbor doesn’t like Obama, or Romney…then what can we do? We can vote. One vote. One voice among many. If you, Mr Trump, don’t like a candidate, what do you do? You throw some money at the situation, and suddenly, you’ve got a public forum. You–and others like you–can fund a candidate’s entire political career, and once your person gets into power…well, then they owe you one, don’t they? Call it free enterprise if you want–i think it is shady, shifty, downright sinister business, and it is shaping our national rhetoric.

Furthermore…Like many powerful voices in this election, Mr. Trump, you are spending your energy, not promoting the candidate of your choice, but trying to tear down the one you don’t like. And you’re not focused on the faults of his foreign policy, his social policy, or even his economics–the one area where you might, MIGHT, have a small authority to speak. No, you are focused entirely on setting him up as ‘other,’ an outsider to be feared. It is happening on both sides of the aisle, mind you, but well…today you and your hair are in my face, so this is what we’re talking about.

Want to ask for the records? Fine. Want to donate to charity? Outstanding. But there is something utterly grotesque about offering to help poor people in exchange for political ammunition. And furthermore (i sure say ‘furthermore’ a lot when i’m upset) furthermore, you say “5 MILLION DOLLARS” in a “huge announcement” as though your money might change the world. When you know, and I know, that 5 million dollars is pocket change in your world.

The fact is, you make me feel cheap and dirty. Because you are not trying to buy votes (which would be bad enough). You are trying to buy people. You are trying to buy certain people into office, you are trying to buy other people into oblivion, and you are trying to buy the rest of us out of having a say in anything. And the thing is, the more you throw your dirty money (and your bad hair) around this election, the more helpless and hopeless us middle-class mortals feel–on both sides of the aisle. And the more helpless we feel, the more we shout obsenities at each other, and judge people by their bumper stickers, and divide our churches and our households down party lines. We tear each other down, because we feel so far removed from any part of the conversation that matters. You have bought us, Mr Trump, pure and simple. What’s worse–you’ve bought our seat at the table of democracy, and we are left with the crumbs.

If this were a Church power play (and Lord knows, people have done shadier things with their check books, in the name of Jesus) I would tell you this: i would tell you that your money’s no good here. I would tell you that your ‘gift’ of 5 million dollars means a great deal less than the gift of $10k that comes from a household income of $90k. Or the gift of $900 that comes from the income of $10k. I would tell you that the reach of your gift is greatly limited by the spirit in which it is given; and that I would rather have a few moments of your time, or a glimpse of your very soul, than even a dollar of your fortune.

That’s what I would say, if you were slinging your hair around my territory. Alas, I am only a citizen, and i can only tell you that your 5 million, or 5 billion, should not carry more weight than my vote, or my neighbor’s vote, or the votes of any number of Americans who will go to the polls, wanting only a future for this country in which you are not the boss of everything.

America is having its own bad hair day, Mr Trump–it is a bad hair day of epic proportions, and we are behaving badly enough, all by ourselves. Stop making us feel helpless and small. Stop reminding us that we are just one vote, while you, somehow, are about 5 million. Go back to your board room table on NBC, where you are only the boss of the people who volunteer to take the abuse. Stop playing politics, stop playing philanthopist, and for heaven’s sake, just lose the comb-over and embrace the bald spot. You will be no less rich; you will be no less powerful. You might, in fact, look a little more human, and a little less like a cartoon rich guy. There might be a real boy in there after all, and you know what? He gets a vote, too. Make it count.

But just once.