“This is Us,” and How Rape Culture Ruins Everything

Remember the good old days when people used to talk about TV shows they were watching? Fun times. How about a throw-back to the good old days…

And speaking of good old days, I love This is Us. I love the flashbacks to the 80s, and the house that is full of things I had in my childhood home (I literally saw my parents’ old bedspread on this week’s episode.) I love the occasional twists and turns that make you sit up on the edge of the couch and go “WHAAAAA??? I did NOT see that coming!” I love the whole premise of the thing. I love the way they deal with hard things that most cable network shows won’t touch–obesity, race, and homosexuality, for instance. Add in the beautiful sibling dynamics and the fact that Milo Ventimiglia frequently appears shirtless, and it is nearly the perfect show.

But let’s talk for a minute about rape culture.

I know. I thought we were taking a break from the misogynistic horror show for a moment too, but alas, it follows us everywhere.

Kind of like that creepy stable dude that follows Kate around her first day at weight loss camp. What. Is. That. Supposed to be??

(Minor, very tiny) spoiler alert: In Season 1, Ep. 14., Kate goes to a camp that offers an “immersive” weight loss experience. For a month. Right after she’s gotten engaged to Toby (who did not die! Yay!)  When she gets there, the stable guy, who is out taking care of the horses, gives her an appraising glance. It is supposed to be flattering but, ew. He then gives her a compliment that feels a lot like a cat-call.

Not much later, he straight-up comes onto her. Says “over there is my room, whenever you’re ready.” (Again we say: ew). Let’s re-emphasize the fact that she barely knows this guy. And she just got engaged.

She says no, not interested, unavailable, etc; and HE says–wait for it–“you don’t know it yet, but this is happening.”

THIS IS HAPPENING. And that is what we call rape culture.

This is a perfect example of how easily we normalize this kind of behavior. Granted, in this scene Kate walked away. Still saying no, and shaking her head a little. Maybe she’ll keep walking, and all will be well. But she was shaking her head in a way that implied she was intrigued. Maybe a little turned on. And so, we were left with the distinct impression that “this” may, in fact, be “happening” with the horse guy in some later episode. And if it does–if she does wind up cheating on or leaving Toby and hooking up with the smarmy horse dude? Then our nearly perfect show is reinforcing that dangerous notion that so many men secretly harbor: that women don’t really know what they want; that ‘no’ sometimes really means ‘yes;’ and that aggressive pursuit is always rewarded with sex, eventually.

Again we say…ew.

Maybe the show will surprise me. They’ve sure done it before. Maybe his role is, in fact, Creepy Stable Guy, and we will watch Kate have to deal with yet another intrusion on her weight loss journey. Or a big win in the self-esteem journey as she shuts down his advances. Maybe he gets fired for sexual harassment. I don’t know. Any of that would work to redeem the show I love so well. But I can’t help but feel we were just introduced to Kate’s new love interest, in which case, I might be out.

Y’all send me some pics of Milo, ok? Objectified in a completely non-predatory way, of course, because we would not want to perpetuate any double standards in the media.