Last night, I watched the documentary A Gray State. The film follows the life of conspiracy theorist and filmmaker David Crowley. From the beginning, it is apparent that David is obsessed with documenting his entire existence while creating his film, Gray State. Without giving away too much of the documentary, the film grows darker and darker and darker by the second. Violence seems to engulf his entire world. Ultimately, David kills his wife Komel and their daughter Raniya (though other conspiracy theorists argue otherwise). To say that I was depressed when the credits rolled is an understatement. I’ve been stuck on the tragedy of it all ever since the credits rolled. Meaningful films often come crashing into my life and I can’t shake them. This documentary left me thinking about what I could have done to help David and his family. I have felt the guilt/pain of a tragedy that I had nothing to do with.
I wonder if God thinks similarly.
Whenever I get to these points, I am desperate to hear the word of God. I turn to John 14. In a world of relativism, I have occasionally found myself equivocating on the definitive nature of these passages…but when I need to hear from God…I’m not interested in relativism.
“Do not let your hearts be troubled. You believe in God; believe also in me. My Father’s house has many rooms; if that were not so, would I have told you that I am going there to prepare a place for you? And if I go and prepare a place for you, I will come back and take you to be with me that you also may be where I am. You know the way to the place where I am going.”
Thomas said to him, “Lord, we don’t know where you are going, so how can we know the way?”
Jesus answered, “I am the way and the truth and the life. No one comes to the Father except through me.”
-John 14:1-6 NIV
Tears flow. The whispers of Jesus let me know that things are going to be ok. I’m surprised to be having such a reaction in the library.
Then, I look up. Two tables over…some guy is looking at porn.
What the fuck?
Amen.
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