The Last Words of Christ from the Execution Chamber (1)
“Forgive them, for they know not what they do.” -Luke 23:34
Meetings about murder are strange. Each time I accompany one of my guys to their execution, I am required to attend a training session. The gathering usually consists of multiple officials explaining to me the process and asking if I have any questions. Of course, this is a moment for technical questions about how the execution is going to go down. I try not to get to bogged down in moral questions. Such questions are most often quickly swatted down and create tension at an exceedingly sensitive time. Sometimes I feel like a coward for not pressing harder in these meetings. Other times I rationalize such compliance with the fact that if I cause too big of a stink, I’ll jeopardize my ability to be there for my guy. I don’t know what the right answer is. I just know that it is a very strange place to be…standing there looking up at the foot of the cross.
Murderers surround you in an execution chamber. There is no getting around it. Everyone there is there to kill someone…namely, the person strapped to the gurney. That is their job. I used to think that I wasn’t included in that number. I used to think that somehow, I was clean. Of course, my purpose there is not to kill someone. I am called to be there for my guy. I am called to pray. I am called to read scripture. For all of my good intentions, I ultimately do nothing to stop it. I sit there and watch someone I love be murdered. I feel it. It is so heavy. To know that you can’t do anything is devastating. It is the worst sort of moral injury…regret. I stand there at the foot of the cross…knowing that I stand amongst the murderers.
I used to pray out loud, “Forgive these participants in this execution, for they know not what they do.” Now, I pray, “Forgive me, for I know not what I do.” Maybe by acknowledging my own ignorance…I will at least feel human. The first step toward making something right…toward making something whole…is to acknowledge the deficiency in our own soul.
Jesus, in your mercy:
Forgive me…I stand at the foot of the cross…desperate for guidance…please show me the way…please make me whole.
Ad-Free & Subscriber Log-In