A Message To All The Good Men Out There (And Some Good Women, Too)

I started a very different post — it was an angrier one than this will probably be. I’m tired. This might have to do with the rather large amount of Halloween candy I ate all day in an attempt to numb my feelings. I’m so tired, I actually can’t even comment on a polite and constructive political conversation on my Facebook page.

I’m exhausted from having to explain why women’s rights matter. They matter in every day life, on college campuses, in churches and in politics. I’m tired that as women we have to put up with our every conversation being turned into some sort of sexual innuendo, or that if we are leading then we are somehow evil, or that if we speak out against obvious misogyny we are shrieking bitches. I’m just tired. And my female friends of color are probably more tired, because they have it even worse.

I’m tired that my friend Jory Micah‘s site was hacked to oblivion for almost a day. Jory is a woman with multiple degrees in theology and Biblical studies who advocates for equal opportunities for women in church. The hate that gets spewed her way is disgusting and yet she continues with a grace and dignity that is astounding.

I’m tired because rapists continually go free because the value we put on women and girls is far less than the value we put on protecting white males who might be inconvenienced by their punishment (and that’s two different links right there that are in ADDITION to Brock Turner).

I’m really tired of this shit.

I’m tired having to explain why all this matters.

And here we are, one singular voting event away from possibly putting a man in the White House whose idea of the “ideal companion” is “a total piece of ass“.  A man who openly says he can grab whatever part of a woman he wants. A man who emotionally abuses a woman by humiliating her — sexually and otherwise — on stage before lunging in for kiss. He segued into the to exercise by starting with “Get even with people. If they screw you, screw them back 10 times as hard. I really believe that. Take Jennifer Hawkins, for instance…”

And what is so disheartening is that so many Americans are ready and willing and happy to vote him in. The message this sends to our women and girls is terrifying. He is being summoned to court to face a child rape charge, and so many of us are willing to elect him as president.

Listen — I’m not here to demonize. I know a lot of very good people who are supporting Trump. I can’t say that I’m not baffled by their decision because I am. But I am unwilling to demonize them.

Okay. Most of them.

But to the men out there in the world, the men who I know are good men who care about women, I can’t explain it anymore. I’m tired. I wish I could make you understand. And I wish I could make the women who support Trump understand. This is so hurtful.

Because it matters. It really, really matters. Normalizing this type of behavior matters. It matters more than a smoke and mirror email scandal that hasn’t really amounted to much of anything.

Normally I’m a fighter, but today, this warrior-girl is tired. It’s probably the sugar crash, and I’ll be back tomorrow.