Jesus Creed
This is a sort of first person witness statement to God’s hand at work in ways we couldn’t imagine.
I can’t remember a time when I didn’t know that Jesus loved me. The language of my home, parents, grandparents, and the church I belong to (The Church of the Nazarene) celebrated women as leaders – and ordained leaders. The local congregation my Canadian-prairie family belonged to had been planted by two women. My parents (my dad, a New Testament scholar; my mum a leader and specialist in autism and special needs education) both celebrate loving God, excellence in education, have a hospitable home where responsibilities are shared, and their strong and committed engagement to the church was and is joyful. I had a great home life.
I was also shaped by other forces – normal teen-stuff, insecurities, and culture-bending-truth –by the time I was a late teen I had bracketed women – myself included – into narrow niche roles. So – although I began to experience ‘nudges’ by God towards ministry of a particular type – pastoral, leadership, prophetic-witness and such from very early on, I resisted with all my might. I wanted to be married, to have children, to be normal. I wanted to be an historian/vet/doctor/nurse…
But – there was a conspiracy by God. Because I was an immigrant into the UK my options narrowed until I had one short-term option left: a certificate in theology. I started on a cold, wet, dark January day, and felt like all the lights went on. I loved the study, learning about God; thinking, wrestling, being challenged. I felt at home studying Scripture and loved trying to think about talking about God in practice… living out good news.
So – ah ha! I’ll MARRY someone going into ministry (I thought) – but, over the year I found myself more and more prompted – directed – called. Until, that is, one huge (in my memory) night when I prayed, wrestled, cried and said a final/beginning yes of all of the yes’s of the rest of my life. Then and there life changed – I started telling people and the responses were interesting. ‘Oh no’ said one person, ‘Oh Deirdre, do you know what you’re doing?’ said another, ‘are you ready for opposition?’ I was asked. One said that our relationship was over; he couldn’t consider going out with/marrying someone in ministry. Amongst my peers there was a lot of ‘yes’, and the 1990s equivalent of ‘you go, girl’ – and some of the people in my circle of friends immediately began to support, care, pray, endorse, encourage and commit to walking with me on the journey.
I was naïve but called. I went through various interviews and worked to find godly replies to questions I was asked. ‘Could you be a nurse or teacher instead?’ a well-intentioned leader asked. ‘Can’t you just teach Sunday school?’, ‘no woman should preach’, others said. Some of my colleagues in the classroom argued (strongly) on all kinds of bases that I was out-of-step/sinning/disobedient/mis-hearing – but others were formidable advocates – and I am thankful for them to this day.
I continued to sense God’s yes – and whatever gifts I had I felt God could use. Others affirmed me in leadership and in their willingness to disciple me. I felt and feel incredibly drawn towards the urban and issues of justice and love/d engaging in urban environments.
I continued my studies, continued to receive support – and then I began to pastor – and God’s ‘yes’ seemed present. I felt whole. One of the most significant days of my life was being ordained in front of my church family and wider family – and hearing the church’s Yes as well. I pastored – youth, adults, anyone and studied more, combined study and pastoring, nearly burned out, learned hard lessons about God’s call and God’s-love-for-the-world, about God’s working in, through, and beyond his servants. I learned (a bit) to allow other people to fight for me – and honestly felt/feel very affirmed as a leader – and a person. I eventually married a man who loves me in my whole-being – and supports and advocates for me – and other women.
About three years ago I was asked to be the Principal of Nazarene Theological College in Manchester, UK. I agreed – and discovered God’s call had taken a different shape and form than I could have imagined. I felt that God’s direction pointed me here. I feel blessed by the team I work with – we wrestle, think, challenge each other – and thoroughly enjoy developing and innovating in the ways we try to prepare men and women to serve God’s mission wherever that takes them.
In this role, though, I re-discovered things I’d genuinely forgotten! Because I’d been part of the same local congregation since 2000 and then pastoral team leader and genuinely accepted as such – I’d TRULY forgotten there are people who believe women should not lead, or speak about God in the public sphere. I’d not thought much about my gender – I’d just been trying to be obedient to urban ministry and its needs. So, to come into a place of church-wide leadership and encounter ways women are discussed and silenced has been the biggest shock to my system! I knew I needed to learn new skills and new modes of leading but I hadn’t been prepared for the first time I sat around the table with a group of peers and was ignored – utterly – by them. So – I’m re-learning things that I’d forgotten. Trying to be polite but firm. Trying to demonstrate grace and listening. Trying to voice and empower others. Trying to listen to God’s voice first and foremost – and ask what fear is at work in trying to silence those God might be calling.
I’ve questioned my (their) understanding of the pneuma – and the church’s understanding of what God can and can’t do, but essentially I’ve discovered over and again that God is faithful, does call me, and that God is profoundly good news – for all the world. God’s refrain via the angel – ‘do not be afraid’ – seems a good one for nothing was/is easy, but God-with-ness transforms the journey through challenges to the other side of saying ‘yes’: where it is good to serve in whatever way God leads and then wait with baited breath for what God will do with you
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