The Worst Truck Slogan EVER

Yesterday my wife Cat and I were driving on the freeway when she said, “The slogan of the truck we just passed is ‘Always Late.'”

“Take a picture!” I said. “Take a picture!”

Being a Superior Human Being Who Always Gets It, Cat immediately started scrounging around in my bag for the camera I keep on me for those occasions when life insists I make fun of it.

“Got it!” she said, triumphantly holding aloft my Kodak Cynico-Matic.

I cleverly maneuvered alongside Mr. Party Tardy; Cat leaned over my lap to get the picture; I tried not to cry as she used my crotch to steady her elbow—and voila: the image above.

So what’s the deal with the slogan, “Always Late”? Does the driver of this truck have that on his business cards? Is his big sales pitch, “You can count on me to be late! If I’m supposed to be there Tuesday noon, look for me Wednesday morning! If then! Now where’s that meat you want hauled?”

And what’s with the Evil Death motif? The truck and trailer—-both painted Ominous Purple—-were festooned with skulls and crossbones. It was like a truck driven by Cap’n Jack’s son, Thrasher Sparrow.

Or maybe the driver’s the ultimate fan of the band Death Cab for Cutie?

Maybe the skulls aren’t meant to be scary. Maybe they’re supposed to show what this trucker’s customers look like by the time their delivery arrives. That actually makes sense, because I could not drive slow enough to stay next to this truck—-and I drive a Ford Focus.  When we first saw the truck we had just started up a long, slight incline on the road, and by the time Cat grabbed my camera, Mr. Purple Wane was so far behind us it was like he was driving in reverse. I basically had to park on the freeway and wait for him to catch up.

I used to be a Teamster; I loaded trucks, and knew a bunch of truck drivers. They were good guys. They took speed to help keep them awake: out of shape, grey haired, big rig drivin’ pill poppers. Maybe whomever was driving this truck was the son or daughter of one of those guys. That makes sense, too.

Haul your death-defying caboose over to Facebook and join my page.