Don’t you hate it when you go to a website or blog, expecting something interesting, and instead get some snooze-inducing report of stuff about the “author’s” personal life that you could tell you wouldn’t even care about if you were that person? Yeah, that’s about to happen to you. Our time, right now: 9:22 a.m. My clothes: So wrinkled I look like a giant origami project someone gave up on. Immediate plans: 1. Go to post office to mail out... Read more
Ah, Friday. It’s like a regular day, except completely better. Friday is the foreplay of days. That’s really what it is. Friday is foreplay; Saturday is sex; Sunday is … well, I was going to say “guilt,” but I can tell from here that road is nothing but potholes. Speaking of Latin, I believe the etymological suffix fri is Latin for “fried.” Boy, those Latin-speaking Romans of yore really knew how to name a day, didn’t they? “Wednesday” also proves... Read more
I sincerely wish to thank the reader of mine who brought and shipped to me a new iPod Touch 32GB. She knows I’m often Blogger on the Go; she wanted to help me work; voila: new iPod 32GB for John. (more…) Read more
"My problem is that on a deeper level, something inside of me is saying that the Christianity of my childhood is the true way. I have a nagging in the back of my head, saying, ' These liberal Christians aren’t Bible-centered. They aren’t right. Few will make it into heaven. Homosexuals will go to hell,' etc., etc." Read more
Dear John [a woman wrote me yesterday], I’m an atheist who was raised in the Bible Belt. I’ve come out as an atheist to most of my family, but many of them are in denial about it; they think it’s just a phase that I’m going through (even though it started when I was a teen, and I’m now forty-two.) My husband is also an atheist. He hasn’t been subjected to this yet, but it’s coming: when we visit my... Read more
Last January, when the federal trial to decide the legality of California’s Proposition 8 was just getting underway, I wrote, in How Will the Coming Legalization of Gay Marriage Affect Your Love For America?, that, for the exact reasons he cited, the judge of that case would rule exactly as he did last Wednesday. “It’s inevitable that gay marriage will become legal in America,” I wrote (forgive me quoting myself!), “the same way it was inevitable that slavery would be outlawed,... Read more
The post you are looking for is included in HA!, a full-sized collection of five years worth of my best humor. If you are a Kindle owner and a member of Amazon Prime, you can borrow HA! for free, with no due dates. (If you don’t own a Kindle, here’s where to get one. To learn more about Amazon Prime—and to get a one-month free trial—go here. ) As per Amazon’s rules, content included in the Kindle Lending Library program... Read more
I’ve been happy not to take the time to sink deeply into myself to discover how, if I were King of the World, I would decide the question of whether or not to build the Ground Zero mosque, since: (a) Why bother? and (b) Who cares what I think? Plus, whenever I imagine myself King of the World, I always end up thinking about what my crown would look like. I’d want something stunningly regal, but not be too heavy.... Read more
Yesterday I received from a young man the following email: I was raised in the church, and have always believed in Jesus Christ. I have just returned from a month touring Europe with my two buddies, and since we’ve gotten back I’ve been feeling further from God than I’ve ever felt in my life. A friend told me about your blog, and after reading quite a bit of it, I thought you could possibly help me. John, please: What do... Read more
My friend Brian Shields helped me out by making me this audio file link thing. I think that when you hit the link below, it’ll pop up a very sweet little player. Let me know if it does–if this works? Thanks, friends. Big J on the ray (dio). Read more
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