“Choose your weapon.”
A mentor of mine told me she used to say it to her children.
I thought it was funny at the time.
Go to the kitchen drawer and pick which utensil you want to be spanked with.
For those who were not raised with this type of parenting…
And for those of you who have never heard of the whole “spare the rod” teaching…
It was a thing.
It still is a thing.
My parents did not spank me.
Kevin’s parents did not spank him.
They “spared” us from it.
So… I guess we were spoiled?
That’s what we were taught…
In the christian parenting classes we took.
In the christian parenting books we read.
In the Bible studies we were a part of.
At the homeschooling conferences.
Yep.
Spare the rod, spoil the child.
It’s “biblical.”
And there are ways to do it.
Certain ways that are way more Godly.
1.) Use a wooden spoon.
Never you own hand.
We wouldn’t want our kids to associate our hands with a weapon…
Or something like that.
Having to get the spoon out of the drawer would in fact give the parent time.
Time to cool off before striking the child.
2.) Do it in private.
No need to humiliate the kid in front of others.
3.) Make sure it’s on the butt.
After all, God put that cushion there for spanking.
4.) Tell them why you are doing it.
Make sure they knew this was a consequence before they did whatever they did wrong.
5.) Break their will.
Not their spirit.
But, definitely break their will.
6.) Make an impact.
So they know they don’t want it to ever happen again.
You certainly don’t want them to “laugh in your face” or say, “that didn’t hurt.”
Make it hurt.
7.) Be calm.
8.) Hug them afterward.
So they know you love them.
9.) Pray with them afterward.
10.) Make sure they know God wants it that way.
Ok.. I think that’s everything.
In a damn nutshell.
With that damn spoon.
I hated it.
Kevin hated it.
Obviously the kids hated it.
These spanking were few and far between.
But, they are etched in my brain.
Funny thing is… I thought we were so Godly.
So much more Godly than those who did not spank.
Nothing about it felt right.
It downright sucked.
We did it anyway.
I remember one time…
All three of the other kids were outside of the room where the spanking took place.
Sitting on the floor.
Crying for their sibling.
Ugh!!!
This might be the hardest post I’ve ever written.
I hate it.
I hated it.
And I still hate it.
And just so we are clear…
I no longer believe God wants it.
I did believe that.
Along with a whole lot of silly things.
I no longer believe it.
Last year, I took every wooden spoon out of our kitchen drawers.
I threw them away.
I know, I know.
It’s been 18 years since we even used one our children.
18 years.
One more time…
18.
And it still hurts me like it was yesterday.
Mind you…
We have apologized to our grown kids for it all.
And they say they can barely remember it.
And they feel like it hasn’t hurt them in any way.
No hard feelings on their end.
They were so young.
But… we were not.
And the memories are etched in my brain.
Have I said how much I hate it?
Using violence to control a young child.
Let me hit you to teach you not to hit your sister.
Makes all the sense in the world.
Let me hit you to show you how much I love you.
How much God loves you.
Jesus was not a man of violence.
He said to turn the other cheek.
But… let me make sure I hit you so you know to turn the cheek.
What?
Is any of this making sense?
I’m so sorry.
If I ever taught you as a parent to spank your kid…
I am so sorry.
There are so many ways to teach a child.
Violence should not be one of them.
Hear me… if you spank/spanked your kids?
I’m not mad at you.
I’m not trying to shame you.
I did it too.
I was so afraid of them being spoiled.
Of what God thought if I “spared them.”
I get it.
But… maybe in this new year?
Search it out for yourself.
Study it.
What it does to children psychologically.
In the quiet of your heart…
Really think about it.
Pray about it.
And if you need to?
Go to your adult kids and say “I’m sorry.”
And if you are a new parent in the midst of the struggle…
Just stop it.
Really trust your own instinct.
God gave us hearts to love and to know truth.
I can honestly say…
I didn’t really think about it.
I just listened to the leaders.
Followed blindly.
Did whatever the books said to do.
Oh, and if you haven’t started the parenting thing yet?
And you plan to someday?
Just know there are so many better ways to do it.
Perfect love casts out fear.
Fear doesn’t drive out fear.
Anger doesn’t drive out anger.
Love does.
Kindness leads us to repentance.
All of this is “biblical.”
Look into it.
Search your soul.
As long as we have breath…
There is time to make amends.
To see the good.
To ask for forgiveness.
To throw away those damn wooden spoons.
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