Lady Gaga's a Fake & You aren't great

Listen up all you monsters. You know who you are — Lady Gaga is a fake.

There is nothing, I repeat, nothing authentic about her, not even her ability to bamboozle you. Oh, sure, she can sing, but then again so can American Idol’s Scotty McCreary. But I bet you won’t see him prancing around on-stage in his BVDs the way Lady Gaga does in her bra and panties.

Some people are willing to let their music speak for themselves. Others, more insecure types, feel like they have to sex it up or you won’t pay attention to them and Lady Gaga needs you to pay attention to her in the worst way. She’s afraid if she just offers you a song without the visual intercourse, you’ll abandon her for the next pretty little shiny thing that comes along — which you will, of course, because as devoted as you are to LG now, you come from a long-line of fickle people.

We all do.

Oh. I know. I know. She makes you feel special– just like everybody else in the world. When she tells you to “Free Yourself” it’s like the first time you ever heard those words, right?

But what exactly does she mean by that? Most of you are white people. You don’t have a clue what it means to be in bondage, or to live out your life in servitude.  So what is it she’s advising you to free yourself from exactly?

Your insecurities, she claims.

Yeah. Good luck with that. Insecurity is like your shadow. It’s there for a purpose. To remind you that you ain’t the sun and the world doesn’t rise and set on you. Get over yourself. How about embracing some humility, instead?

Lady Gaga goes around spouting all this ridiculous rot: I want people to walk around delusional about how great they can be – and then to fight so hard for it every day that the lie becomes the truth.

Listen, the last thing we need in this world is another generation of self-obsessed, pot-smoking, whoring-around delusional little monsters.

The truth is you aren’t great. You are just ordinary, like the millions of other ordinary people in the world. And one day, hopefully, you’ll appreciate the wonder of being ordinary. There is nothing to be ashamed of in that. In fact, being ordinary may be one of life’s greatest gifts. That’s what we call “finding our humanity.”

Instead, too many of us are trying to live lives that set us apart and by that we mean above everyone else. It’s not affirmation we are seeking as much as it is adulation.

Lady Gaga is about as authentic as Pamela Anderson’s boobs. She is the harlot of Wall Street — that glitzy Pimp that keeps pushing its false gospel all up in our faces.

She whispers in your ear, “I’m just like you. All my little monsters.”

What a crock-of-dookey that is.

Exactly how is it Lady Gaga is like you?

She was raised in New York City and attended private girls school. She claims to have been oppressed because she didn’t come from a wealthy family, but trust me, she ain’t poor in that way of people who “don’t have a pot to pee in or a window to throw it out of” poor. Have you priced out private school tuition lately? Especially in New York City?

She had one sibling and two parents who, ohcrymeariver, had to work. Seems what they worked the hardest at was turning their child prodigy into a mass media starlet. Dad, afterall, was an internet entrepreneur. At age 17 Gaga entered New York University’s School of the Arts.  Which means the girl had to work her butt off to get into that school, or else somebody did some fancy finagling and worked a deal for her. What do you think tuition costs there?

What Lady Gaga is good at — really good at — is not her music as much as it is her marketing. She says it best herself:  “I’m telling you a lie in a vicious effort that you will repeat my lie over and over until it becomes true.”

I want to gag-a-maggot every time I see someone like Gayle King, or Anderson Cooper or Barbara Walters fawn all over the fake Lady Gaga. Are there no journalists left in the world or has everyone of them given themselves over to the role of sycophant to the famed-and-fabled?

I’m not saying her tunes aren’t catchy. They are, but then again so is the munchkin song from the Wizard of Oz. (Come to think of it, there’s a lot of similarities between Dorothy’s munchkins and Lady Gaga’s monsters.)

But imagine for a moment a world in which future little Hitlers, Pol Pots, Stalins, or Osama Bin Ladens go around singing the chorus of Gaga’s Born this Way:

I’m beautiful in my way
‘Cause God makes no mistakes
I’m on the right track, baby
I was born this way
Don’t hide yourself in regret

To be sure, Lady Gaga wasn’t born that way. She has a multi-million dollar marketing machine that works full-time creating the image that she was born this way.

Lady Gaga claims, “I don’t want the $5 in your pocket, I want your soul.”

The truth is without that $5 in your pocket, Lady Gaga would have no interest in you. The reason Lady Gaga is in love with Judas is because she has so much in common with him.

Don’t be fooled. Lady Gaga is just a remixed, repackaged sexed-up version of Madonna and Marilyn Manson.

And the only relationship Lady Gaga is interested in is the one she is having with your pocketbook.

Karen Spears Zacharias is author of Will Jesus Buy Me a Doublewide? ’cause I need more room for my plasma TV.