A family lunch tainted by bigotry: a guest post by Tonya Caputo

I saw a Facebook post by a mom the other day that just broke my heart and really pissed me off. I know we all see those maddening posts every day but this one stuck with me in such a way that I immediately reached out to the mom who wrote the post and invited her to share a guest blog here.

I hope you will please share your love and support with Tonya Caputo and her family.

We didn’t have rowdy kids. We weren’t loud and obnoxious. We were simply a family of four, two of which were women. I’m guessing that is what caused the stares from a couple sitting just a few feet away from us at lunch today. It probably happens more times than I am aware and most of the time it rolls right off of me.

Today was different. Today involved glaring, shaking of heads, whispering and glaring again. There was no mistaking they were…bothered.

I wish I understood it.

We had just come from church. Probably where they had been. Enjoying lunch, just as they had come to do. We’re similar in most ways, but for some reason, folks like that like to dwell on the one difference.  

I know all the loving and embracing folks in my life should be the ones who matter and I should be thankful. Lord knows, I am.  But sitting next to someone at a restaurant who starts looking around for somewhere else to sit to eat because of who they’re next to…those incidents tend to stick with me.  

And make me want to cry.  Or scream.

Do they realize that when we walk out, we’re going home to do laundry and homework in preparation for our week?  A week that, in all likelihood, looks a lot like theirs?  That we will talk, laugh and argue just like every other household where a teen and preteen dwell?   Would it help them to know that we are not only church-goers but I’m on staff and Melissa, my partner, is the leader of our youth group?  Would it change their minds at all to know that we are in a loving long term, monogamous relationship who are committed to raising two girls to be kind, strong, faithful followers of Jesus?

Would they look at us differently then?  I don’t know.  

But this is what I do know, friends.

The number of folks like this is declining.  They are so close to being outnumbered by people who believe love is love and something we are all entitled to, no matter what that love looks like.  There is hope.   

I told my family what I had seen.  Melissa and I took a few moments to teach our daughters a short lesson on manners, respect, acceptance and unconditional love.  It was a good conversation born from a bad situation.  A conversation that I pray those who love and support us will continue to have with their loved ones, until what we’re left with is love with no exceptions, acceptance with no boundaries and kindness with no conditions.  

Let it be so.

Tonya and her partner of 6 years are raising their daughters in Douglasville, Georgia.  When she’s not juggling the ever-busy lives of their 11 and 14 year old girls,  she works as Ministry Support and Communications for her church.  With the loving support of her family, her small but mighty church and some crazy cool friends, she is finally living her truth, and isn’t afraid to speak it out loud.