Is The Annulment Process A “Get Out Of Jail Free” Card?

I’ll never forget that warm June day back in 1997 when I opened my mailbox and saw a letter from the Diocese of Bridgeport, CT sitting inside. It was the letter that carried the decision in the second instance of my annulment process and it alone would determine what my new direction in life would be. Would it announce that my marriage was indeed valid and I would be bound to my ex-spouse until one of us died? Or would it declare there was never a valid bond and I was free to marry again in the Church? I stood and stared at it for a minute before I reached in. I was stressed out and relieved all at the same time because, although I had waited two years for this day to come, I knew the decision that would be revealed in the unfolding of the paper would change the rest of my life.

Several minutes later, I stared out my kitchen window with a bittersweet feeling inside. The Archdiocese of Hartford confirmed the tribunal’s first decision that I never had a valid marriage bond and I was free to marry again in the Church. It was not a “jump for joy” moment because I never wanted to divorce in the first place. But there was a great sense of relief that flooded my heart and it was a soothing, healing feeling. That terrible period in my life had finally ended. I had the closure I needed and I had a firm direction to head in, so now I could move forward as a whole person.

Several people I knew during this time had advised me not to go through with the annulment process. It was a “Catholic divorce” they said and did not believe it to be something valid or compatible with Christ’s teaching on marriage and divorce. It was a “get out of jail free card” as one of them had put it. They misunderstood the true purpose of the annulment process and why it is just as important for the Church as it is for the individual. If more people gave the Church the opportunity to examine their failed marriages and allows them the possibility of declaring it null, more couples would be able to come back to full communion with the Church.

In my experience, it seems some people have this idea that every marriage ever contracted is valid and permanent, and the annulment process is a sort of loophole that side-steps that element of permanency. It’s almost as if they believe it’s as basic as filling out some paperwork, shuffling it around, writing a check, and then with the wink of an eye you’re free again. But, the truth is not everyone who stands before the altar brings a valid marriage into being and this happens for many reasons. Pope Francis reiterated this himself during a press conference held on his plane back to Rome after the World Meeting of Families. He told the press: “Those who think this is ‘Catholic divorce’ are wrong because this last document has closed the door to divorce by which it could have entered. It would have been easier with the administrative path.” He further clarified that “it doesn’t exist. Either it wasn’t a marriage, and this is nullity — it didn’t exist. And if it did, it’s indissoluble. This is clear.”

Divorce Vs. Annulment

One major difference I can see between the civil divorce process and the annulment process is the personal growth aspect. In a civil divorce, there is no personal growth element, but often a regression to childhood tantrums and revenge tactics. But, on that day back in 1997 as I held that piece of paper in my hand and thought about that terrible event when my ex-spouse walked out, I knew one of the major benefits that had come from going through the annulment process was my gaining a clear and concise understanding of the poor choices I had made the first time around. I now had clear vision and despite the agony of it all, I was a better person for the experience. If I ever married again, my preparation for that day would be would be critical because I never wanted to go through a divorce again.

This, also is something the Holy Father brought up in his press conference, pointing out that “to become a priest there’s a preparation for eight years… but, for something lifelong, they do four courses! Four times… something isn’t right. It’s something the synod has to deal with: how to do preparation for marriage. It’s one of the most difficult things.”

Dr. Edward N. Peters, a notable Canon Lawyer, author and speaker pointed out in his article, Annulments in America: Keeping Bad News in Context, that  “the startling, and ultimately destructive, levels of immaturity and irresponsibility which so many people bring to marriage today” is a major factor in why so many marriages fail. In my opinion, that alone is a real crisis in society and the Church which we must work to correct. I don’t have an easy answer for fixing that problem, but I do believe that if marriage prep directors would intensify – and lengthen – their programs, it would make a noticeable difference in the reduction of the number of annulment cases. Couples would either be stronger in their understanding of what marriage really is and how to make it through the tough times or they would realize that they aren’t ready to get married. Not a bad thing, either way.