Divorced Catholics Have A Big Problem, But It’s Probably Not What You Think

One of the most common complaints I hear on a regular basis begins with the phrase, “The Church isn’t doing enough for…” and you can fill in the blank a million ways. The Church isn’t doing enough for engaged couples preparing for marriage. The Church isn’t doing enough for the poor. The Church isn’t doing enough for married couples who are struggling, and of course, the one I hear the most is, “The Church isn’t doing enough for divorced Catholics.” So, I just have one question in response… who do you think the Church is?

We are the Church. We, alongside Pope Francis and the cardinals and bishops, the priests and deacons and religious, are the Church – the everyday Catholics in the pew. Why isn’t the Church reaching a strong and powerful hand out to the niche groups we all see are suffering? Well, the hierarchy is. You may have noticed a little Synod on the Family going on in Rome these past weeks. But for complaints and cries and calls for action that are heard, what are we complainers doing to help?

Back in 1994 when I was going through my divorce, I looked high and low for support that was Catholic. I looked for books or talks on tape and found nothing. I also went to several different parishes in my area and scoured their bulletins for information, but there was barely anything offered. The best I could find was a support group for widowed, separated, and divorced Catholics that was about 20 miles away, so I began attending the meetings.

At first, I was grateful to be with others who understood how devastating losing a spouse is. But it didn’t take long to recognize that grieving a loss due to death and a loss due to divorce are two very different things, and yet these two groups were being lumped together into one group. I knew when the time was right that would be something I wanted to address in a big way.

After going through the annulment process and eventually remarrying, I wrote a program called Journey of Hope, which has become a popular parish support program. I’ve since spent most of my free time trying to help divorced Catholics heal. But my point here is not to pat myself on the back, my goal is to encourage you, if you have been divorced and understand a divorced person’s plight, to share this gift of surviving that experience with others who are just going through it. The Church needs a lot more people writing books, leading programs and essentially using their gifts to help the divorced community within the Church. If there are needs to be met, it’s so much better to be proactive and do something about it, instead of pointing a finger and complaining.

Pope Francis’ papal exhortation, Evangelii guadium (The Joy of the Gospel), calls us all to action to evangelize the world, which means we all have a roll to play in reaching out to those who need us. If you have been through a divorce, you understand the great need there is for parish leaders to serve the separated and divorced community in the Church. So, is it possible that the Holy Spirit is calling you to help serve these devastated, hurting men and women who feel so alone and forgotten?

My parish program is not the only Catholic divorce support program out there, there are others of course, but I can tell you what is scarce… people to lead these programs. Here is an opportunity for you to get out there and make a difference for so many men and women who need your compassion and support.

I guess what I want someone who reads this to take away from it is that we’re all in this together and we need to help each other hobble off the battlefield into the hospital that is our Church. Pope Francis recently addressed the Synod fathers with a beautiful description of this theme of helping each other and how it has played out in the last several weeks:

“From Vatican Council II to the current Synod Assembly on the family, we have experienced in an increasingly intense way the beauty of ‘walking together’. … We must continue on this road. The world in which we live, and which we are called upon to love and serve even in its contradictions, demands of the Church a strengthening of synergies in all areas of her mission.

I know there are many lay people who donate their time and work tirelessly to make their parishes a place where the wounded can come home, but if you are someone who is feeling a little tug from the Holy Spirit to get involved, I invite you to consider any way you might start helping to be part of the outreaches, especially if it’s to the divorced community within the Church.

I welcome your feedback at [email protected].