In May of 2020 I received devastating news that my mother was diagnosed with pancreatic cancer. My heart was broken because as a nurse, I knew what that diagnosis meant. However, as a Christian, I knew that God was greater than that diagnosis. I didn’t know what the Lord would do or what His plans were, but I did know that His will would be done. What I came to experience is that in the midst of grief God is there to comfort and answer prayers.
The following story is my own personal testimony. It’s not just the story of losing my mother and best friend, it’s a story of feeling the comfort of having a loving Father who never leaves in the middle of the grief. I clung to Psalm 34:18 which says, “The Lord is near to those who have a broken heart.” My heart was certainly breaking.
Throughout this 31-month journey, I came to realize that God truly does answer our prayers. Now, they may not be answered the way we’d like them to be, but He does answer them none the less.
I cannot tell my story without feeling sadness, but that’s just part of the process. I assume it will always bring tears to my eyes when I tell it. But that’s not what I want you to focus on as you read my testimony. What I want you to see is the fact that through it all, God was with me (and my mom) keeping me focused and answering my prayers every step of the way. He really is a loving and gracious Father.
The Journey Begins
After I learned of my mom’s diagnosis the first week of May in 2020, I took a day to stop and pray (through many tears) for what I knew would be a trying time ahead. I asked the Lord for strength and direction for what I needed to do to help her.
The first thing I did was start researching treatments and plan to go to her house for Mother’s Day (which was 5 days from the date of diagnosis). My family and I drove 10 hours to spend the weekend at my parents’ house. My mom was positive and had a good outlook considering the news she had just received.
While I was there, I made appointments for her to see an oncologist who specialized in pancreatic cancer. Within a week she was starting treatment. While that was a great start, I knew that an even bigger issue was pressing and weighing on my heart. I prayed for God to open her heart to receive the message I was about to give her.
One Simple Question
We are all going to face death one day. The fact that my mom received this diagnosis meant that she was certainly at that point. Hebrews 9:27-28 says this about death: “And as it is appointed for men to die once, but after this the judgment, so Christ was offered once to bear the sins of many.”
If you don’t know how important these two verses are, let me explain. We are all going to die. We all have an appointed time at which our number will be called. No one can escape it – it’s coming for us all.
Upon your death, you will either face judgment or run into the arms of Jesus Christ; and that choice is up to you. Verse 28 tells us that it is CHRIST who died to bear our sins. If you do not acknowledge what Jesus did for you, judgment will be what you face.
(To Learn More About Where You Will Spend Eternity, Click Here)
To find out the status of my mother’s eternal destination, I asked her one simple question:
If you were to die today and stand before the throne of God and He asks you why He should allow you into Heaven, what would you say?
If I asked you that same question, what would your answer be?
The Correct Answer
There is only one correct answer to this question, and unfortunately it was not my mother’s answer. The correct answer is this: Jesus Christ died on the cross for me. He took all my sin upon Himself and laid down His life so that I may spend eternity with Him in Heaven.
I explained this to my mother. I witnessed to her while we were sitting on the couch together. All I was thinking was how hard it would be to lose her. But knowing that if she understood what I was saying, I would most certainly see her again.
I praise God to this day that she understood and gave it all to Jesus right there in front of me on the couch. Please understand that I was certainly not giving up and throwing in the towel right from the start. I was going to do all I could to help my mother get through this battle and consistently pray that God would heal her of this disease. But I needed to know that if healing (as I wanted it to be) was not in God’s will, that my mother would be in eternity with the Lord.
Facing Setbacks
My mother’s cancer was on the tail of the pancreas which meant that the average prognosis was 5 – 10 months. We all remained hopeful that my mom would be healed. But we carried on cautiously.
There were definite setbacks within the first 7 months. The chemotherapy made my mother sick and caused a perforated bowel. She had to have emergency surgery on Thanksgiving of 2020 to fix the perforation.
Once that occurred, she could no longer take intravenous chemo. For the next year or so my mom tried alternative treatments, and she seemed to be doing better. Her spirits were high, and she was getting through everything fairly well. I continued to pray that God would allow her to feel good and not have pain. Every moment spent together was a real blessing.
Two Years Pass
As we hit the two-year mark after diagnosis, my mom was starting to tire out. She was unable to eat due to the side effects of the autoimmune treatments she was receiving. She also started to have GI bleeding due to the position of the tumor. At that point she was in and out of the hospital more and more. In addition, at least every other week she received blood transfusions for the blood loss. I could see that she was growing tired.
In August of 2022 my parents and sister made my mother’s last trip to my house. Early one morning I was up with my mom. She was lying on the couch while I sat next to her. She told me then that she was slowly but surely dying. I told her that I knew and that I loved her so much.
After they left to return home, I prayed and asked the Lord – pleaded actually – to heal my mother of this cancer. I did not want to lose her – I needed my mom. She was my biggest fan and supporter. There is nothing she wouldn’t do for me or my boys. She was loving and always there for me. There was never a time in my life where we fought or didn’t speak. I could not imagine living my life without her in it.
God Said No
As I prayed, I heard a voice tell me “I am not going to heal your mother.” Deep down I knew that was always the case. In my heart I believe what the Bible says about each of us having an appointed time to die and I knew my mother’s time was soon to come. I guess I just didn’t want to accept it.
Our definition of “healing” means getting better – being healed of the illness you’ve been plagued with. In God’s eyes, healing is going home to be with Him. In Philippians 1:21 & 23 Paul writes, “For to me, to live is Christ, and to die is gain” and to be with Christ is “far better” than to live here on earth. I truly believe that. Heaven is our real home. Earth is just a pit stop.
Change of Prayers
At that point I changed my prayers a bit. I prayed for God’s will to be done. He knew all along what was to come, and I had to trust Him completely.
Because I lived 10 hours away by car (2 hours by flight) I wanted to be with my mom as much as I could. I think it would have affected me badly if I was not there if my mom would pass away. So, my prayer was for God to grant me the privilege of being with my mom when He finally called her home.
My personal life at that time made it possible for me to travel back and forth as often as I needed to. That in itself was a blessing. I was able to be with my mom any time.
43 Days
On October 23, 2022, my mom signed up for Hospice. The GI bleeding had become unable to control, and she had reached her limit. I was there in the hospital as she signed the papers. It was hard to watch. The doctors felt that it would be just mere days until she would pass away. That hit me like a ton of bricks. I thought I was prepared for this, but deep down, I wasn’t.
My mom knew her time was short. She told me that she did not want to die by bleeding to death. Honestly, I did not want that for her or for my dad to have to watch her die that way. So, my prayer at this time was although I knew she would die soon, please God don’t let her die by bleeding to death.
The next day she was transported home where Hospice would take over her care. What’s amazing is that from the time she got home, there was no more bleeding. Praise God, it was gone! What was supposed to be death within a few days because of uncontrolled bleeding turned into 43 days. My mother lived for 43 more days. My dad, sister and I were with her every single one of those days caring for her. I wouldn’t have wanted it any other way.
Friday night, December 2, 2022, my mother said good night and drifted off to sleep. It would be the last time I ever heard her voice. For four days she slept until the night of December 6, 2022, when my beautiful and amazing mother was called home. She took two deep breaths and exhaled for the last time at 22:00pm. She had fought long and hard and was finally in the loving arms of Jesus.
Answered Prayers
All I can say is in the midst of grief God is there. It is so true that He never leaves us. The Bible tells us so in Deuteronomy 31:8. Not only that, but in the midst of my personal grief, God answered my prayers.
(To Learn More About the Promises of God, Click Here)
It’s very easy for us to look at what God DOESN’T do for us. I could very easily get hung up on the fact that God didn’t answer my prayer for Him to heal my mom. But I know that He is God and He knows everything – including how and when we die. It just so happens that December 6, 2022, was my mother’s date. That’s all I can say.
Instead, I choose to look at the prayers that God DID answer for me during that time. I prayed so many prayers where my mom was concerned. Here are some of the big ones that God answered distinctively:
My mom is in heaven.
She received Jesus into her life the week of her diagnosis and I have no doubt that I will see her again. In fact, when I get to Heaven, I know she will be right there waiting for me!
My mom outlived the averages.
With a prognosis of 5-10 months, God actually blessed us with 31 months to spend with my mom. We were given extra time to talk and laugh and just be together. I am so thankful for that time!
My mom never really had any pain.
This was a major blessing and an answer to prayer.
I spent a lot of time with my mom.
Praise God that I was able to travel to be with mom many times throughout the 31 months she was sick.
God healed my mom of the GI bleeding.
This prayer was answered immediately and I’m so grateful that it was.
I was with my mom when she passed
As I sat in the chair next to my mom’s bed, I watched her spirit leave her body. I will never forget that moment as long as I live. Although it’s hard to relive, I am so thankful that God answered my prayer and allowed me to be at her side when she took her last breath.
In the Midst of Grief God is There
When you are faced with grief or sadness or storms of life that you can’t seem to fight, look for God in the middle of it all. I promise you; He is there. Reach out to Him. Tell Him you need Him. Pray big and consistent prayers. Ask Him to reveal His plans.
Don’t put limits on God. He can do anything at any time. Jeremiah 32:17 says this about God: “Ah, Lord God! Behold, You have made the heavens and the earth by Your great power and outstretched arm. There is nothing too hard for You.” Again, there is nothing that is too hard or impossible for God. He still works miracles. He is still and will always be on His throne. Never forget that.
Finally, don’t miss what God is doing. He may not be doing things the way you think they should be done – BUT… He will do it HIS way and in HIS timing. Also, He may not answer your prayers the way you want Him to BUT… He is GOD and He has a plan and a purpose for all that He does. Don’t miss what God is doing.
In the midst of grief, God is there.
Blessings,
Amy
I’d love to hear your thoughts! Please feel free to share your insights, experiences or questions in the comments section at the bottom of the page.
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