Anonymous Tip: In Which Gwen Gets Saved

A Review Series of Anonymous Tip, by Michael Farris

Pp. 195-198

I am beyond frustrated with this section. Just beyond frustrated.

Peter waited anxiously in the church parking lot for Gwen, Casey, and the Mansfields. He had barely slept all night, even though he left Gwen’s by ten-thirty. His hear and his spirit did battle as he replayed over and over Aaron’s counsel from Friday morning. He knew it was right for Gwen to come to church, but, nonetheless, he was worried about what Aaron would think. Deep down, he was worried that he was going down a path that was not God’s best for him, but he tried not to think about it.

Is Peter is feeling nervous because his actions are highly unethical? No, not at all! He doesn’t appear to have ever even considered that inviting a client whose case he is working for free to come to church with him might violate the ethical standards he’s held to as a lawyer. He probably slept through the ethics classes in law school. No, Peter’s just nervous because Aaron gave him a dressing down the previous Friday. And if I may add, Aaron said nothing about ethics. Aaron was just concerned about Peter being involved with a divorced non-Christian. Aaron was worried that Peter is being carried away by his baser self (i.e. the self that wants sex).

You know what else is bothersome here? Aaron’s concerns had to do solely with Peter holding true to his religious convictions—in other words, it was all about Peter. What about Gwen? What about concern that Peter might take advantage of her and then hang her out to dry? What about noting Gwen’s vulnerableness to being exploited? After all, he’s just won her case and she doesn’t have the money to pay him, so he’s doing it for free. The last lawyer who realized she was in that position attempted to solicit her for sex. While Peter hasn’t asked for anything explicitly at this point, it should be clear that there is great risk for implicit coercion.

How the hell doe she know Gwen’s not already thinking “Okay, he’s doing this for me for free, so I better not rock the boat. I was uncomfortable with him picking my child up out of her bed when she had a nightmare last night, but could I really say something about that? I wouldn’t want to scare him off, and I’m indebted to him, and I do want to sue those Nazi social workers, so I really don’t have an option. I’ll even go to church with him to humor him.” I mean really, what the hell? We have ethical standards governing this kind of thing for a reason!

But this is Peter we’re talking about. Ethics, schmethics.  

Anyway, Gwen, Stan, June, and Casey arrived just three minutes before the service started, but that worked out okay because the church and “front-row” parking spaces for first-time visitors. Peter “hustled” them into the auditorium—note that Farris doesn’t call it a sanctuary—and then looked over and saw Aaron sitting with his wife, Lynn, and their four children across the room. I imagine we are to understand that that made him nervous, but for once, Farris shows rather than telling.

And then we get stuff like this:

The entire routine of church seemed different to the Mansfields. Casey had never sat through a church service before. The people seemed happy, the music was relatively lively, and it seemed to the Mansfields a fine and noble exercise, despite the unfamiliarity.

This just feels off, I mean, for serious? I mean good god, the Mansfield’s took Gwen to church off and on as a child, they should be familiar with the idea of church. This reads like Farris trying to get into the heads of people he simply can’t get into the heads of. Also, no way did Casey sit through that service. My siblings only sat through service because they knew they’d get spanked if they didn’t. Plot twist . . . maybe they threatened Casey with a spanking if she moved. UGH. But really, do they not have Sunday school at this church? Really?

For his sermon, Pastor Lind continued his preaching on the book of James. The previous week, if you remember, he preached on the first half of one verse: “Is any one of you in trouble? Then he should pray.” This week he preached on the second half of the verse: “Is anyone happy? He should sing songs of praise.” I remember pastors spending entire sermons on one fragment like this. It could get tedious.

Pastor Lind preaches as follows:

“You will notice the stark contrast in these two phrases from the same verse. In the first half, we are dealing with troubled people. In the second half, we are dealing with happy people. The reality is that we all experience trouble in our lives. And we will all experience happiness in our lives. In fact, some of you may have been here last week in desperate trouble, and this week you are brimming over with happiness.”

This of course makes a big impression on Gwen. I’m guessing it makes less of an impression on the people who are in desperate trouble this week but were brimming with happiness the previous week.

Pastor Lind goes on to explain that in fact, the response God calls for from those who are happy is the same as that which he calls for from those who are in trouble, because “songs of praise” is really just another phrase for praying. He instructs his listeners to remember that they should pray not only when they are in trouble, but also when they are happy.

This goes on for a while, and then we get the altar call:

“And, most importantly, He is the One who gives us the opportunity to have eternal happiness. I am talking about salvation. Jesus died for you so that you might have forgiveness of sins and live in heaven with Him forever. Ladies and gentlemen, that is true happiness, and when we are there, we will sing songs of praise.”

And then we have the predictable.

Gwen could not hold herself back when the Pastor gave the invitation. “Peter, I want that. Will you walk with me?” she asked.

He nodded, tears barely visible in his own eyes.

THIS IS VIOLATING SO MANY BOUNDARIES I CAN’T EVEN.

So they walked to the front, and the pastor exchanged “a few whispered words” and then beaconed for a counselor to come to forward, and, surprise surprise, Aaron and Lynn respond. And then, thank GOD, Lynn told Peter to get lost and leave poor Gwen alone. Well no, not quite, but she did at least take Gwen to a side room and leave Peter there with Aaron. So, points for that! Poor Gwen did not need Peter leading her through the sinner’s prayer. We’ve violated enough boundaries here already!

Now, this is the moment when Aaron and Lynn need to have a “come to Jesus” talk of a very different type with Peter and Gwen. Aaron needs to give Peter a dressing down for having dinner with his client in her home the previous night and for inviting them to come to church with him, thus violating every ethical boundary known to the legal profession. Well, not every, but enough. And as for Lynn, she needs to tell Gwen that Peter has been perving on her for weeks and that she needs to run the hell away from him. I mean right now, Peter is incredibly physically attracted to Gwen and doesn’t know how to walk that back or behave professionally, and he also believes he cannot ever marry Gwen or have a longterm relationship with her. If that’s not a recipe for disaster I don’t know what is. Besides all that, Peter knows that Gwen is fresh off a lawyer who tried to proposition her. How is it not obvious that he should actually hold himself to professional standards here?! Run, Gwen, run!

Sadly, none of that happens.

Peter told Aaron that he felt the need to get back with Gwen’s parents and Casey immediately after the close of the hum. Aaron knew the discussion that was obviously necessary would take a long time and should not even be attempted now.

Really? Really? Now seems like the perfect time, actually.

Gwen came out, hugged Peter modestly as a new sister in Christ, and said, “Thank you for bringing me here. You continue to do good things for me. Thanks so much.”

What even is this hugging “modestly as a new sister in Christ” thing?! What, did Lynn give her hugging lessons while they were praying the sinner’s prayer together? Inquiring minds need to know!

Stan looked about uncomfortably. He and June were confused about everything. They decided that Gwen was simply walking forward to demonstrate her thankfulness for getting Casey back.

I know, right? Church, so confusing for people who have been to church before.

In all seriousness, the entire sermon was about being thankful and that altar call was not explicit, so that Gwen went forward to thank God seems like a completely reasonable and not-at-all confusing conclusion.

Peter was actually glad that the Mansfields had plans for June and Casey for the afternoon that pragmatically couldn’t include him. Aaron noticed Peter leaving the sanctuary alone. He purposed to call soon.

First, Peter, Peter, Peter, would you have hung out with them all Sunday if they hadn’t already had plans? Does Peter need an orange flashing neon light saying DANGER DANGER DANGER in front of him constantly for him to see the impropriety of such actions? There’s this little thing called ethics. Can someone report him to the bar association already? But second, about Aaron purposing to call, Aaron is clearly not a good purposer, because I just flipped ahead and he ends up too “busy” to call and doesn’t have his “obviously necessary” chat with Peter until he sees him the following Friday morning.

And that’s the end of this section. Can you see why I’m feeling frustrated?