Marriage is a Journey of Many Steps

A Walk in the Woods

It took us almost 30 years, but this last weekend, my wife and completed a section of the Gerard Hiking Trail that we got lost on back in college. Backpacking is a deeply primal, deeply personal challenge that requires more than just putting a bunch of stuff in a bag and walking for x amount of miles. With another person, it becomes a whole different experience all together.

Both my wife and I grew up in the outdoors, her family were farmers and hunters, my dad was an is a wildlife photographer. I spent ten years running ultra endurance races/events and am currently working my way through the Appalachian trail in sections, I am about 200 miles in and have about 2000 miles to go.

The Key to a Successful Marriage 

In a healthy relationship, the setting is open, with both partners leaning into each other and mutually expressing not only love but wants and needs, reciprocally giving back to each other.   

Tina and I have been together for 28 years. That is a long ass time, especially considering how immature I was and uncontrolled my ADHD was for the first 10 years of our life together. I made a mess of our finances, took on a master’s degree when I really should have not. Tina has stuck by me and has leaned into me. Tina has struggled with her depression on an off throughout our relationship and now as empty nesters and post menopause, her depression has taken on a whole new dimension of miserable for both of us.  

As we were walking on the second day, I was reflecting with Tina how awesome we are being able to backpack together and not kill each other. I also observed that none of my clients would be have been able to do this. As Tina is relatively new to the idea of backpacking outside of a few trips she did in college, she does not have the efficiency or knowledge to really capture the essence of backpacking in a way that can be very easy. This would require careful constructive feedback from me to make things easier, especially as we will be doing this for seven days straight in July. I also had to be her cheerleader towards the end of the day as the miles got to her. While we did this well, it still requires knowledge and experience to deliver these moments well.

Closing Thoughts

Marriage is a process of becoming. We were young kids once, now we are middle age adults considering our elderhood. We have hiked these trails hundreds of times in almost 30 years of being together. Much like life. We have walked life’s path hundreds of times. If you want your marriage to work, you need to work together, like setting up camp, doing camp chores and making sure your spouse is doing ok. Your spouse needs you to see them, to let them know they are okay sometimes. My clients make relationships hard, but the reality is, it is quite simple. Just lean into your partner and meet their needs.