Fr. Jerome Cudden, OP sends along his annual Christmas letter

Fr. Jerome is a terrific young priest who is, among other things, screamingly funny. He writes the following vignette in amongst all the othe stuff in his letter:

Hello…Jerrry!!! Hello…Newman!!!

I now have a new insight into how the writers of the sitcom Seinfeld came up with ideas for the show; they just walked around New York and let New York happen to them. One Seinfeldian encounter happened to me on the subway. I was taking the subway to JFK airport and arrived at the subway platform at 6:18 a.m. While I awaited the subway, a man walks up and stands about five feet from me. He gives me the hello chin-dip and I do the same. When the subway arrives, I get into one of the cars and this man gets into the same car. He introduces himself, his name is “John,” and shakes my hand. Keep in mind it is only 6:21 a.m.! He then goes on to tell me that he is a non-denominational Christian but also a Catholic. Even at 6:23 a.m. with a quarter of my brain awake I know this violates Aristotle’s theory of non-contradiction. So, I let it pass. My new friend starts to tell me his life story and proves that our country has an anti-Christian bias. He said he found Jesus in prison; only an anti-Christian nation would lock up a sinless man. After sharing his life story – occupational hazard – he gives me a man hug, our bodies were side-to-side, and he sort of claps me on the back. It is 6:27 a.m.! All of a sudden, John remembers he has some “Catholic” music on his iPod, and he wants me to hear it. He hands me one ear bud and puts the other one in his ear. Turning his iPod volume to 11 – yes it goes to 11 – he proceeds to blast Ave Maria into my left ear and asks me if I had ever heard this song. It is now 6:31a.m. and I am starting to wonder if my brother, who is an Assistant District Attorney, could plea bargain me down to “manslaughter 2”. Trying desperately to get out of this situation, I eye the subway car. My eyes meet with a lady who smiles at me as if to say, “I am so glad it is you and not me.” When the song is over, John gives me a big familial hug, chest to chest, and a kiss on the upper neck/lower cheek. With this, two lines of causality collided in my cerebral cortex. The PDA’s (Public Displays of Affection) are escalating. The chin dip, moved to a hand shake, which gave way to a man-hug. The man-hug was foreplay to unprotected iPoding; I do not know where that ear bud has been. Music may calm the savage beast, but it can also inflame the passions, and I was on the receiving end of a full frontal hug with unprovoked KISS on the neck! This trajectory of PDA’s collided with his revelation that he had been in prison where PDA’s are taken to a whole new level. It is now 6:37 a.m.! And I am wide awake! I spent the remaining 20 minutes of this subway ride pole dancing. I made sure that no matter where John moved, the pole in the center of the subway car was always between John and me.

My NYC readers will especially appreciate this. Fr. Jerome if from Jersey. So he knows how to handle himself in NY, unlike we mere babes in the wood who live here in Seattle: the City of the Nice.