Peaceful Earth-Affirming Eastern Religion Adherents

undergo brutal sufferings at the hands of violent Abrahamic religionists who had it coming. The Peaceful Earth-Affirming Eastern Religion Adherents burned their poor fingers while setting fire to the priest’s car. Another peaceful Eastern religionist is reported to have thrown his back out when the priest was selfishly rescued by a parishioner just as the peaceful Eastern religionist thrust at him with a sword in a traditional Sri Lankan gesture of “I hate you and want to kill you”.

Other Peaceful Earth-Affirming Eastern Religion Adherents reported pain in the hands and arms after clubbing numerous Catholics in self-defence as they exited Mass. The Massgoers, who were clearly guilty of being Catholics, were engaged in subversive talke about “What to have for brunch” when they were stopped by the valiant mob and thrashed within an inch of their lives. Other Peaceful Eastern Religionists, entered the church and, at great expense of time and effort to themselves, undertook percussive maintenance of the altar, sundry statues, and pews. The ingrate congregation of 293 families did not offer a word of thanks.

Fortunately, the Catholics bore the brunt of sufferings for their unprovoked and deliberately planned Mass. So ultimately it would appear that no major harm was done. But please keep the suffering Buddhist mobs of Sri Lanka in your prayers.