A reader writes…

I read some of the articles on facebook and thought to try and email you regarding some struggles, and perhaps maybe you address it or maybe you have.

My husband is cradle Catholic, I was raised in Assemblies of God (Pentecostal) my entire upbringing until this Easter Vigil. Long, dark, but beautiful journey…

The last 3 yrs at my previous church the more I grew closer with the Lord and in His inspired word I started struggling with practices and beliefs. I loved (and still do) the charismatic praise and worship unto our Lord, and very familiar with the manifestations of the gifts of the spirit (Sunday mornings were like deliverance ministry). But I disagree with the belief that one “HAS” to speak in tongues, etc. I disagree with the pushing of that type of atmosphere and overbearing and no boundaries way of Christian path.

Coming into the Catholic Church I absolutely LOVE it! I feel as if I have the best of both worlds. However, the honeymoon period is starting to wear off. I still love and appreciate it in my heart, and could now never leave the Eucharist and Christ’s authentic church. But I’m desperately struggling with the people in the Church. I came from one extreme to another. Can’t anyone be balanced? Some Catholics have tried pushing so hard the rosary and novenas on me, and though I believe the rosary is a powerful prayer because the Holy Spirit has shown me already in an experience. But I don’t like the “have to” mentality. I tried explaining to a friend how I truly believe in clinging to the Holy Spirit for Him to guide me. I look to the Trinity to show me if I should fast, prayer, worship, meditate, rosary, etc. They said “no”, that as a Catholic we are “suppose” to pray the rosary every single day! That Mary came down once and said every single catholic must pray it every day!!! And we should be praying Novenas. I know that some novenas are healthy some are not. But again, I’m struggling with this mindset. I’m struggling with the fact that no one seems joyful, many don’t even know where Joshua is in the bible, a long time parishioner not knowing about God(she said she never heard people mention him, just Jesus and why do I reference) and the private isolated faith that no one shares. And not to mention the judgment from “both” ends. My protestant friends think I found religion not Christ, and my Catholic friends speak kinder of protestants but judge “how can one leave our church/the Eucharist for churches like them.” How? Because they are more open and will come around you and if you are battling darkness they pray with you, they get their hands dirty, worship draws you so close into intimacy with the Lord and etc. There are negatives and positives with both, and I don’t ever see myself leaving the Catholic Church. But I feel alone in this faith. I met so many amazing authentic people! But they still really don’t share where I come from and nor understand. They don’t know much about spiritual warfare and they live too much with putting God in a box! When my other friends live like it’s a free for all. I am longing for balance! I love being charismatic, but I also love being meditative. And I do not like God in a box and for a faith to say WE HAVE to practice certain things everyday..

Any insight?

Thank you!

First of all, welcome! Glad you have been obedient to grace and found your way to Holy Mother Church! We come from similar backgrounds, it sounds like. I was not raised Christian, but when I became one, I found myself in a church similar to yours.

Likewise, I empathize with the frustration at the tendency of sectarian Christianity to try to major in minors and force people into boxes God does not intend. Paul’s pretty clear: “Do all speak in tongues?” End of story on that question.

Don’t worry too much about people who are enthusiastic about their favorite forms of devotion. I find that the best way to handle people whom you feel to be “pressuring” you to make a particular devotional a law instead of a grace is to a) remember that it is a grace and not a law and b) to remember that the person is not a bishop but merely a good person who is clumsily trying to give you what they truly love. Once you realize it’s an act of love and not a law and that, in any case, you are not bound by the Church here, you can relax. Read Romans 14. It’s all about taking that live and let live attitude. The motto of the Church is “In essential things unity; in doubtful things liberty; in all things charity.”

That said, I would caution against relying first and foremost on your subjective apprehension of the Spirit’s voice without reference to the Church. So, for instance, you write, “I tried explaining to a friend how I truly believe in clinging to the Holy Spirit for Him to guide me. I look to the Trinity to show me if I should fast, prayer, worship, meditate, rosary, etc.” That can be read several ways, but one of the more dangerous ways is to take it to mean that it is up to the individual entirely to order his or her spiritual life without any reference to the Church at all. This is not so. The Church has the right (and the responsibility) to observe, for instance, the Lenten fasts or the great liturgical feasts and to bind the faithful to do likewise. Similarly, all Catholics are bound to observe the Sunday obligation. So there are real places where the Holy Spirit, speaking through Holy Church, orders our devotional life in union with the whole Church. And Jesus, who told the Church “He who listens to you listens to me” approves of this. In short, our *first* source for listening to the voice of the Blessed Trinity is not in our subjective impressions, but through the voice of the Church Jesus established.

But, precisely because this is true, we have a defense against zealots who want to reduce the Faith to their favorite private devotions. The Magisterium insists that we are not bound by some particular private devotion such as the Rosary, though it also recommends it as fruitful. Indeed, the Rosary (while it is the 800 pound gorilla of Western Marian piety) is not especially prominent in the East (though, of course, some easterners use it.

As to your other struggles. Be cautious about falling prey to measuring the faith of fellow Catholics by their apparent emotional state. “Joyfulness” is a tough thing to gauge. And in a communion of a billion people, you are going to find that the average Catholic is average. That doesn’t mean too much beyond “Catholics are human.” There are profoundly joy-filled Catholics (think on these things, says St. Paul) and profoundly gloomy Jeremiah Catholics (weep with those who weep, says St. Paul). Likewise, Catholics who don’t know chapter and verse often can have a biblical knowledge in their bones. (Note this passage from Hebrews 2:6 “It has been testified somewhere, “What is man that thou art mindful of him, or the son of man, that thou carest for him?” The author tosses off a passage from the Psalms, but can quite remember where it’s from. Very Catholic.)

All that said, I think the core of your note is this: “But I feel alone in this faith.” With that, I can profoundly empathize. It is often very lonely for us converts. The warm ebullient fellowship you enjoy in a small church where everybody knows your name can be awfully painful to lose. And yeah, you can go to a parish for years without anybody knowing your name. I did.

However, there is hope. There are also lots of lay movements in the Church which encourage us to get together and form real community. If you have one in your area, you might want to check out a Communion and Liberation group. Also, there might be some sort of Catholic charismatic prayer group (or just a plain old ordinary prayer group) in your area. Also, nothing beats pro-activity. We’ve started and hosted Sunday afternoon Eat n Pray groups at our house. Book clubs can be good too.

Community can be found in the Catholic Church, but you have to be willing to deal with the cultural differences between charismatic Protestantism and your typical parish. It’s like moving to another country. You learn what is good about the New Land. Sometimes it’s an acquired taste. But you find it becoming Home slow but sure.

Hope that helps. May God bring you new graces from unexpected quarters as you press on. And may your sufferings and loneliness be joined to Christ Crucified, who also knew what it was like to be an outsider. There remains, always, hope in Him.