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Obama’s Sooper Secret Plan to Take Over Texas

Obama’s Sooper Secret Plan to Take Over Texas May 8, 2015

Phase 1: Announce sooper secret plan several months in advance.

Phase 2: Send 1200 soldiers to occupy 7 states with a combined population of something like 50 million people.

Phase 3: Attack cartoonists in Garland, confiscate all the guns, colonize with Syrian Muslim refugees, allow invading brown horde in from south of the border.

Phase 4: Victory!

Now I know what you are thinking: that’s crazy. Who would seriously think that some military exercises in the Southwest (which have been conducted before without martial law being declared) are actually part of Obama’s Secret Plan to Seize Power?

Well, Chuck Norris and Ted Cruz are pretty sure this is the plan. And so are a lot of other kooks and paranoids.

So what should a responsible public official do? Ignore it and get about the business of actual governance and real problems? Address the paranoid kooks and tell them to stop panicking about action film scenarios that aren’t real? Apologize for Ted Cruz throwing gas on the Crazy and inflaming the very worst elements in his party?

Of course not! If you are the Governor of Texas, you send a letter to the kooks announcing the following:

Abbott Jade Helm 15 Letter

Note the code language. At no point does the Governor so much as suggest that the nuts who are panicking about the entirely imaginary threat of Obama taking over Texas and taking their guns and property are, you know, nuts. Instead, he spends tax monies to prevent Obama from doing what Obama was never going to do, thereby giving credence to the nuts. What’s even more impressive is that he artfully genuflects to his base’s worship of the military by suggesting that, should The Order come from Obama to attack Texas and take their guns, property and women and march the freedom-loving citizens of the Lone Star state into his FEMA-run shariah re-education camps, our troops will do the right thing and mutiny rather than obey the Kenyan Communist Muslim would-be tyrant. It’s a brilliant “have your cake and eat it” move. You get to insinuate that the US military is, at the highest levels, part of a huge conspiracy to stage a coup and install a dictator while at the same time pretending to reverence the troops, wave the flag, and blame everything on the Hated Bogeyman.

And when none of this silly action movie scenario happens–because Obama is not, you know, Hitler, and is not, you know, going to try to take over Texas since Obama is, you know, the President and already has jurisdiction over Texas and the other 49 states–the nuts, so far from learning anything or realizing that their crazy fears were completely unfounded, will instead take credit for frightening off the Hated Bogeyman.

It’s all pure crazy, and all predicated on the notion that Obama isn’t already in power as a duly elected official and therefore does not need to “seize” anything. And it is all approved, encouraged, and funded with tax dollars by some of the most powerful leaders in the GOP.

Now, not every member of the GOP is barking nuts of course. Here, for instance, is a sane member of the GOP trying to talk the Governor of Texas down off the ledge:

Letter to Governor Abbott

However, it really says everything you need to know about this once-great party that this guy is seen as the damn librul outsider while the people calling the shots are the ones who either truly believe that Obama is about to attack Texas and stage a military takeover or who think it wise to spend tax monies pandering to the kooks who do. And such “leaders” are not only to be found in Texas now, but, in the person of Ted Cruz, running for the highest office in the land. God help us if such fraidy cats, jumping at imaginary “threats”, have their hands on the levers of power should something real happen.


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