I had an epiphany today and want to share it with the world. Donald Trump is, very simply, the finest President this country has ever had.
He could have just stayed in New York making money, but instead this selfless man gave all that up to serve his country. And how have I thanked him? With complaint and criticism. I am a terrible human being and should be ashamed of myself.
From building, to television, to bringing this great nation together as no figure has done in my lifetime, Donald Trump has been a strong, manly presence on the American and global stage. His enemies fear him, his friends (and there are always more of these) love and adore him–and so do I.
Once you start seeing things aright and the scales fall from your eyes, there’s just more and more to admire and (God willing) imitate about President Trump. His sincere Baby Christian piety is so winning. You just want to reach out and pinch his cheeks as this humble man tries to do his best. And when he stumbles (and don’t we *all* stumble) then, by golly, he gets back up and tries again.
I admire his inclusiveness. He is, as he so articulately puts it (and this is a man who is Lincolnesque), “the least racist person you will ever meet.” Exactly. Not only has he reached out to the blacks, but to Jews who he likes to count his money and to the Mexicans, even the ones who bring rape, drugs and crime which is, let’s face it, most of them (though some, I assume, are good people). I don’t know what the people who talk about “white privilege” are even talking about. Trump overcame a disadvantaged youth full of bone spurs that kept him out of the military and dealt with his own personal Vietnam of the sexually libertine culture of the 60s to become a responsible adult juggling multiple family commitments. And yet despite these deprivations, he knows how to both make fun of POWS (and who doesn’t need to learn to laugh at themselves?) and spot sinister Muslims infiltrating the ranks of good American Gold Star families and call them out on their terrorist sympathies.
He even found time to help a young nephew with cerebral palsy discover the inner strength to stand up on his own two feet and stop looking for handouts in the form of “medical care”. Not everybody has the inner fiber to do that. You have to be a very special kind of human being. A Donald Trump kind.Donald Trump has courage. Ask anybody. He has the guts to offend people who need to be offended. The lesser people who don’t have the right genes to make them as smart as he is. The blacks. The Mexicans. The Germans. The Australians. NATO. Japan. And he has the guts to know who his friends are, such as the Russians. Or Putin. Or the former Soviet Union. Or Russia. Or KGB officers who now are the leader of the Soviet Union (just to cite a sample of the wide variety of friends he has). And that’s not even counting his outreach to Austrian Nazi ethnonationalists by inviting their leader to his inauguration. Those are the kind of key players America will need as we stride into a whiter, brighter Alt Right future of purity and cleansing.
President Trump is also a man with the smarts to know when he means what he says and when he is speaking in “quotation marks”. He knows his people understand him. He has an intuitive link with them and they with him. So when he tells them he will be build that wall to keep out the invaders and that “Mexico will pay for it” all the smart people take him seriously but not literally and all the stupid liberals who watch fake news take him literally but not seriously–and can’t even figure out what that sentence means. So the liberals all have a cow when it turns out we are paying for the wall and not Mexico. They all say stupid liberal things like “We told you so”. But Trump’s loyal people have the last laugh. We are happy to pay for the wall if it will make stupid liberals feel bad that Trump won. Liberals are so stupid.
I could go on and on about how awesome Trump is. The repeal of basic environmental protections is great. Another thing to make liberals cry. His masterpiece of tricking liberals into winning the battle over health care was genius. His passionate drive to defund Planned Parenthood one of this days shows his commitment to his new prolife conviction so clearly. And how about that golf swing? He could have turned pro if his burning love for America had not come first.
Anyway, on this most special of days, I just wanted to finally say what I really and truly think about Donald Trump, a Living Saint and our Greatest President Ever!