A Guide to the Perplexed

A Guide to the Perplexed April 28, 2020

It is a commonplace among conservatives who can’t bear to look in the mirror as they support Trump to say, “Both Sides are the same. Dems are no different from Republicans!” So when Trump says something idiotic for the umpteenth time, the conservative advocate of Both Sides Moral Equivalence can always be counted on to say things like, “We must spend the week carefully carefully parsing what he meant about injecting disinfectant, just as we have spent countless days carefully parsing what he meant by the Bowling Green Massacre, or when he mocked that disabled guy, or when he said ‘grab ’em by the pussy’ or when he called COVID a hoax, or when he mocked McCain for being a POW, or when he said he had a natural instinct for science, or when he suggested that second amendment people should do something about Hillary Clinton, or when he spent years promoting birther theories.

“But let’s never forget that Obama, exhausted on the campaign trail, once accidentally flubbed his words and talked about the 57 states. Never ever ever forget that. You shall lay up Obama’s words in your heart and in your soul; and you shall bind them as a sign upon your hand, and they shall be as frontlets between your eyes. And you shall teach them to your children, talking of them when you are sitting in your house, and when you are walking by the way, and when you lie down, and when you rise. And you shall write them upon the doorposts of your house and upon your gates.”

A third of the electorate, God knoweth how, still believes this is a serious argument for the total moral and intellectual equivalence of the Dems and the GOP Crime Syndicate.

In case you are among those still struggling to detect the subtle differences between any Democrat and any member of the Cult of Trump, permit me to explain.

The GOP is the party that passionately defends the moron who suggests on national TV that we should shoot up with disinfectants to fight COVID. The GOP Cult, instead of saying, “For the love of God, do not listen to this braying moron one second longer. If you do what he says you will DIE!” instead suggests that we need to hear him out, that Science doesn’t know everything, that we haven’t definitely proven that this might not be a good idea, that the real threat is Bill Gates’ 5G mind control nanobot vaccines, and that it is fascism to try to stop FREEDOMEAGLEPATRIOTMAGAMERICANS from injecting disinfectants.

And, of course, they lie right to our faces that he did not say what we can see and hear him say with our own eyes and ears.

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Riiiiight.  Trump has definitely been boning up on the latest medical journals and just chose to say

as his way of bringing Birx up to speed with his immense medical knowledge. (This video totally needs the theme to Curb Your Enthusiasm playing in the background.)

No doubt that is why, while Adams was definitely not bullshitting us with his massive cartoonist knowledge of medicine, Trump was busying contradicting him that he was, in fact, being sarcastic–or something.

In contrast to this insanity, Democrats are the ones who reject shooting up with disinfectants as a public health recommendation and don’t have to come up with a torrent of lies to pretend that they did not just say the insane thing everybody heard them say with their own ears on global media. Because the Dems are not freaking morons.

Relatedly, another subtle distinction between the Democrats and the GOP Cult of Trump is this: The Cult of Trump fires vaccine experts in the middle of a pandemic that has, as of this posting, killed in one month more people than all the American dead of the Vietnam War. The Cult applauds this because such experts make their god king angry and jealous over the facts, expertise, competence and knowledge he so manifestly lacks.

Democrats, in contrast, know that firing vaccine experts in the middle of pandemic is something only fools, morons, mob bosses, and their braindead lackeys think is a good idea. So they don’t do that.

On another related note, Democrats put out fires with water and not gasoline, because they are not dumb as stumps.

If you find these subtle distinctions baffling, let me give you a tip: you are not really confused. You are merely a conservative who cannot bear to face the fact that the political ideology you have been struggling to defend for four years is a massive and total failure and so you lie to yourself that there is no difference between Dems and Republicans so that you can avoid the awful moment when you must finally admit that you were wrong, wrong, wrong, wrong, WRONG!

The Democrats: Come with Them If You Want to Live.

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