Catholic and Enjoying It!
Today, my ever-swelling army of craven lickspittles, I give you explicit instruction to bone up on the Edict of Milan, issued in 313 by Constantine the Great. Constantine, as we all know, was the Emperor who simultaneously suppressed the worship of the Sacred Feminine and declared Jesus a God, as well as suppressing the true biblical worship of Jesus as God and establishing the cult of the Sacred Feminine in the unbridled Romish worship of the Blessed Virgin Mary. A man of many parts, he also drove true biblical Christians underground in a persecution that would last 1200 years. After this, he became a chain-smoking superhero who battled demons with terrifying names like “Tilda Swinton”.
A model for all Dark Lords everywhere, Constantine is essentially responsible for everything that is wrong in the world today (by which all Reliable Authorities mean “The Catholic Church”). A devout friend of all things orthodox, he enjoyed burning 40 million witches, creating the Inquisition, and perverting the simple teaching of Jesus, which reliable authorities now know consisted of “Be nice, respect the earth, and recycle” into an official state cult. He also invented the swastika. Truly a great man and one all aspiring Dark Lords can emulate with pride. Someday, if you work really hard, you might be able to climb that high….
Well, actually, no. You won’t climb that high. The life span in my Pits of Despair is about a week. But we Dark Lords love raising the hopes of our toiling masses before dashing them to the ground. I think I’ll have a goblet of something cool and refreshing now while you get back to work.
That is all.
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